Daily Cal to Give Local Middle-Schoolers Opinion Column

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The Daily Californian has been a go-to publication for Berkeley residents since it was founded in 1871. UC Berkeley Students and Berkeley natives alike look to The Daily Cal for reliable local news coverage, and more recently, for unfortunately mediocre opinion editorials and news columns.

However, The Black Sheep has just learned of a major shake-up for The  Daily Cal on the horizon: In accordance with its current streak of shitty journalism slight dip in quality, the newspaper’s Editorial Board is reportedly giving local middle-schoolers their own column.

“I couldn’t be more excited for our new writers!” said The Daily Cal Editor-in-Chief and President Rich Lee, “The voices of Berkeley’s eleven-to-thirteen year-olds are regularly dismissed in this day and age. It’s adultist, and it’s wrong. Giving middle schoolers a voice in our newspaper should provide our audiences a fresh perspective.”

“At first I was skeptical, but now I’m all for it,” said Katrina Sprouts, writer of popular the The Daily Cal column, Two Cents on Two Sides, One of Which I am Clearly Biased Towards. “I think these eighth-graders will fit right in with our staff. In fact, I think their caliber of writing is on par, if not better than, most of our current writers. They’ll make a great addition!”

In the past few months, The Daily Cal has been subject to criticism by some of its audience members for their coverage of Berkeley’s ASUC election. Its satirical branch, The Daily Clog, has also seen backlash over a recent article about Greek life. A few of these critics weren’t sure what to make of the The Daily Cal’s pint-sized additions to their writing staff.

“Are they actually doing that?” laughed first year Ryan Simple, “Is hiring middle-schoolers The Daily Clog’s most recent attempt at humor or something? Because if it is, it’s not working.”

“I mean, it makes sense,” commented junior Nicholas Chase, “It’s practically middle-school level writing over there anyway. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

While The Daily Cal has taken some flak for this decision, members of the journalism community from other publications have largely defended their decision.

“I totally get their decision,” said Brianna Taplin, a writer for The Odyssey Online. “I was talking to a few of my friends who write for The Tab, and we think it’s a pretty good idea. Why shouldn’t middle-schoolers be allowed to have newspaper columns?”

“I know we’ve criticized The Daily Cal before, but don’t look at us,” said Berkeley’s Chief Campus Editor for The Black Sheep, Sara Castle.

“It’d be hypocritical to make fun of them for this. Really. We’ve got writers on our team from Berkeley’s Fall Program for Freshman,” she added.