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7 Holiday Outfits That Say “Democratic Socialism is the Only Answer”

The holiday season ushers in food, family, old friends,  and for Cal students, a much-deserved break from the stresses of academic life. Nonetheless, a real California Golden Bear knows that social justice never sleeps. Maybe you love your parents too much to pick a fight with your racist uncle at the dinner table, but you also go to Berkeley, so you’ve taken it upon yourself to be the one to check his unfathomable stupidity. When words won’t suffice, here are seven holiday outfits that scream “democratic socialism is the only answer!”

7.) A comfy holiday sweater:
Don’t overthink it, sometimes a classic holiday sweater is all it takes to get in the season’s spirit, and also maybe non-verbally express your ardent desire to start an all-out class war on the incrementalist neoliberal establishment. It’s fun, it’s jolly, and it’ll keep you as warm as the fascist 1% will be when they’re burning in God’s damned hell.

6.) A blazer over a sparkly shirt:
There’s nothing like a little irony to settle the tension when your dipshit uncle gets tipsy and starts denying climate change. Appropriate the accouterment of the capitalist elite by throwing on a cute blazer over a sequined top, and your message will ring loud and clear.

5.) A knitted scarf:
Your grandmother knit this scarf for you, so you know what it really means to eliminate the profit motive through common ownership of the means of production. Maybe pair this scarf with a pair of chic combat boots to show your family that the immiseration of the proletariat is coming to a swift and imminent end.

4.) A tasteful cardigan:
Is it a jacket? Is it a sweater? Who the hell cares? Sport a tasteful cardigan at the dinner table to show that you’re not confined by the constraints of societal labels and boundaries, unlike the elitist, fascist, neo-liberal, imperialist, capitalist, fat-cat billionaires on Wall Street and in the White House.

3.) Naked:
Power play.

2.) A sequined party dress:
Is it too promiscuous for a family event? Your relatives will probably slut-shame you regardless, but by the way the 1% are whoring themselves out to the current administration, who can even tell anymore? Bonus points if you pick a dress with cut-outs in the sides — just make sure that the cuts aren’t larger than the carried interest tax breaks for hedge-fund billionaires!

1.) A big ol’ turtleneck:
You’re cozy, you’re classy, you’re emulating Steve Jobs, that son of a bitch. What better than a big fat fucking turtleneck to constrict your airway all night just like the GOP is slowly choking the laboring classes to death by withholding single-payer healthcare? Symbolize the struggle of the modern-day proletariat by slipping into a festive turtleneck this holiday season. Medicare for all, and for all a good night!

The holidays are a time to press pause on the agitations of the day-to-day; a time to hold your loved ones near and cherish the memories you’ve made together– but you’ll be damned if that stops you from telling the truth. Scream it from the mountaintops, comrades! DEMOCRATIC SOCIALISM IS THE ONLY ANSWER.

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