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Graduating Cal Student Totally Wanted to do Teach for America All Along

The end of the year is drawing near, and while some lucky few actually have the whole “job” thing figured out, most either seem to be sending in 40 applications a day or are just suppressing an anxiety attack. However, some students claim to have it have it together.


“Yeah, I’m so incredibly excited to be doing Teach for America! It’s such a dream come true! Like this is what I’ve always wanted to do,” stated graduating senior and political economy student Jasmine Wickes in a very lengthy post on Facebook, “It just feels so good to give back you know? Like you can get a job at any point, but it’s rare for you to really make a difference.”

However, while her post was convincing to her relatives from back home, some details really didn’t add up.

“Yeah I was totally misguided when I came to Cal as a ‘Pre-Haas’ student. All those ‘business fraternities,’ and ‘consulting clubs’ and times I said ‘I rather fucking die than be unemployed after college’ were honestly such a lie. I found where I’m supposed to be!”


While most have had the common decency to accept Jasmine’s excuses, some people were less sympathetic. One of these was a surprisingly judgmental sorority sister of hers, Amber Hawkins.


“I mean it’s a little sad for her,”Hawkins noted, “but I’m not going to judge. Some people just don’t make the cut. Oh, as for me? Well, I mean I sent in like 80 internship applications, and it was a long process but I’m super stoked to announce that I’ll be taking a class over summer.”


Realistically, everyone this year is taking the L, even your CS friend. They totally wanted a job at Google and all they got was friggen Microsoft.

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