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Heartwarming: Boy Circling Moffitt Finds Seat

Amidst dead week, thousands of students make the Moffitt Lap Of Shame in efforts to secure a seat. As far as campus public health issues go, lack of seating is the number one cause of not getting a seat in the UC Berkeley community. We spoke to one student who persevered through it all and in fact did find a seat in Moffitt after all.


“I just circled the area and ended up finding something,” stated the seated savior. “It really, like, wasn’t that big a deal.”



When asked about the ingenuity that led to him finding a seat, the Moffitt manipulator had quite the response.


“Yeah so basically, I just walked in to the library, decided which floor I was going to study in, and went from there,” the student sighed while motioning to his friends that he was increasingly annoyed by the interview. “You guys, this isn’t newsworthy at all. This is definitely fake news.”


Fake news? Ouch. Who does he think we are, The Daily Cal? Our student savior was able to answer one last question before calling library security to remove us.


“How has my life changed? Well, I definitely believe in myself now. If there’s any obstacle, like getting into Haas with a failing UGBA grade, or running for ASUC senate with no practical platforms, I feel like I have the capability to do it,” the student confidently answered.




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