Last week UC Berkeley’s Sigma Alpha Epsilon regained its letters, proudly re-displaying them upon their hallowed, sticky white house full of SoCal bros of a similar hue. The re-affiliation ensued despite the fact SAE didn’t change any of the behavior that got them disaffiliated in the first place.
“After losing our letters, we wanted to make sure we really looked inside ourselves to make changes and come back better than ever,” stated SAE president Rock Peterson. “So, we replaced our pledges with potential tenants, got a real diverse range of mostly white and wealthy men, one Asian too, and looked at alcohol safety. We changed from Svedka to Smirnoff. Huge difference, also way cheaper.”
The Black Sheep spoke to SAE’s nationals about the recent re-affiliation:
“I’m so proud of our system that took a hard look at this institution of privilege and seriously threatened to do something about it,” explained SAE’s national president, Brad Chadley. “Like, could you imagine if we actually did something though? Experiencing a consequence would really have affected the brothers’ lives in a negative way.”
Although thoughts on re-affiliation are not uniform, some on this campus are pleased with SAE’s regaining of letters.
“I mean, it’s cool that one place where all the white guys sell cocaine is now back to being affiliated with a national organization of white guys who sell cocaine,” stated a surprisingly twitchy third-year chem E student.
Others are disappointed with the re-affiliation of SAE, citing the fraternity changed nothing in the two years since losing their letters.
“SAE? Affiliated? Is no one aware they changed literally nothing? Like actually, nothing,” stated everyone on campus who’s not a part of Kappa or SAE. Okay, some Pi Phis too, and maybe like two Alpha Phis.
All together UC Berkeley’s campus is so proud of the Greek community’s ability to look at a problem and fix it! Look at all of their success stories like…well…there’s plenty of them, we just can’t remember any right now.