UC Berkeley Gets Grade Inflation Right As Class of 2017 Leaves

author-pic at UC Berkeley  

As the Class of 2017 graduates, new chancellor Carol Christ plans to implement Operation LIT: Lifting Intelligence Today. According to Carol Christ’s second cousins, the plan includes mandatory enrollment in an 8-unit course called “Intro To Intros: R1C” in which every enrolled student will receive no lower than a 93%.

“The course has no actual syllabus,” emphasized College of Letters and Sciences Dean Carla Hesse. “Students merely have to enroll on CalCentral in order to participate in the course. The only requirement is that each pupil uses a school-issued, single-button iClicker that they beat their heads into during times of distress,” elaborated Hesse.

“The single-button iClicker model is a revolutionary development in ‘active listening’ and really gets students to respond without having to worry about being right, wrong, or even in the right class at all,” explained Chancellor Christ. “Beating their heads into the iClicker’s button allows them to earn an ‘A’ merely from relieving their academic stress,” emphasized daddy, dreamer, downtown hero Dirks’ replacement.

The 8-unit class will take up as much as 50% of a full time student’s schedule, meaning it would dramatically increase their GPA. For example, a student enrolled in 16 units could fail every class except the 8-unit “Intro To Intros; R1C” and still meet the 2.0 minimum GPA to remain enrolled on campus.

Chancellor Christ plans to implement the requirement starting in the fall of 2017 as a graduation requirement for students completing their education after 5/13/2017.