Have you ever strongly desired to wear a real Haas backpack? Are you eager to find out what’s so great about these bulky book carriers? Well, The Black Sheep have been dying to do just that, so we strapped on one of those black and grey High Sierra beauties, and the results were incredible.
I woke up and decided that I would try something new—wear a Haas backpack and pretend to be a Haas Scholar. When I put the Backpack on, my skin shed immediately, my tongue did some weird fork thing, and I looked in the mirror but only saw Milton Friedman. This was weird, but the only thing I could think about was capitalism, so I decided to go on with my day.
I walked from my apartment to LeConte Hall and things were already off to a bad start. I was hissed at twice, told that I should “go back to updating my LinkedIn,” and that “if I wasn’t wearing a pantsuit, I wasn’t actually worthy of Haas.” I instantly realized how much oppression Haas students face.
I decided to venture through Sproul, and instead of being offered flyers, I was immediately approached by the CEO of J.P. Morgan and asked to do an interview on the spot. I politely agreed and continued to interview for the position of senior real estate investments manager. All right at the tables in front of GBC. Crazy!
It was time for my afternoon coffee, so I headed to Strada. I couldn’t stop analyzing their menu, and before I knew it, I was in their back office using Excel and drawing up a business proposal that would be ready for the 2017-2018 fiscal year. One: I’ve never even used Excel, 2: what is a fiscal year? Things were getting ridiculous, but at this point, I was okay with it.
I was behind the steering wheel of a Tesla, holding an iPhone X, and on the phone with Bill Gates. We were talking about our favorite business memes, Google, and non-plebeian stuff like that.
I finally made it home and my roommates didn’t even recognize me. Maybe it was the fact that I had slowly morphed into Warren Buffet throughout the day, or because I had a different backpack on. Either way, they stopped their questions after I opened my backpack and it was full of Benjamins and a perfect cover letter.
I finally gained the courage to take the Haas Backpack off. Okay fine, my roommate forcefully removed the backpack from my back. I looked in the mirror again, and realized that I am, in fact, not a successful businesswoman, but rather a political science major who will be unemployed in two years.
I learned a lot from wearing a Haas backpack, like the fact that Adam Smith should really be given a chance, and almost running out of battery in a Tesla is one of the most thrilling experiences one can have. Next time, I’ll wear a Cal athletes backpack and see what it’s like to experience quality tutoring and media studies!