The 2017-2018 academic year was, well, interesting. The Black Sheep has been faithfully delivering low-to-high quality satire on every development, ridiculous or mundane, since it started. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to do this without making some people angry — but that’s just part of our job description. Satire is provocative. You can’t make a Bacon, Egg & Cheese McGriddles® Sandwich without cracking a few eggs! So without further ado, here’s our ranking of everyone we, the mediocre staff of cigarette-smoking monkeys chained to keyboards in an anonymous campus basement at UC Berkeley, have pissed off this year:
1000.) Sigma Chi:
Wow! 1000? That’s a lot. To be honest, we haven’t actually pissed off that many people. We just don’t believe in ranking (alleged) perpetrators of sexual assault and their enablers highly on any list, even one of people we’ve pissed off.
999.) Sigma Alpha Epsilon:
See, we don’t believe in ranking (alleged) perpetrators of sexual assault and their enablers highly on any list, even those that recently re-affiliated.
5.) Erica from History 7b:
Sorry Erica, this one’s on us here.
4.) Cal Lacrosse:
As far as we can tell, the Cal Lacrosse team is STILL ticked about our coverage of their realization that they are not a D1 sport. It’s okay guys, The Black Sheep isn’t a D1 satire publication. We’re in the same boat here.
3.) Alexander Wilfert:
We’re certain he’ll make at least a decent ASUC President, even if he is just another white frat-boy. We’ll do our damned best to put out at least decent coverage of his term next year!
2.) Troy Worden and the Berkeley College Republicans:
Remember way back to September, when members of BCR ousted Troy Worden as their president and chalked anti-LGBTQ+ hate-speech on Sproul? Because we do, and it wasn’t fucking cool. In all fairness, BCR means a lot to us. Without them, we wouldn’t get to satirize politics on this campus nearly as much.
1.) The Daily Clog:
We like to poke fun at the Daily Clog. Last week, we wrote an article about delightful wooden shoes that made the Daily Clog write a very good piece of “We’re not even mad, it’s funny. We swear,” called “5 things the Clog would rather copy than a Black Sheep article.” They were right about our website looking like shit. But would they really “not copy our content” as they claim? Because here’s an article about Riverdale we wrote, and an eerily similar one the Daily Clog wrote. Here’s a quiz about laptop theft we wrote, and an eerily similar one the Daily Clog wrote. Also, so many people believed the Daily Clog’s “satire” that they wrote an open letter to their “gullible readers.” At that point, they aren’t writing satire. We also don’t “think we invented” satire as the Clog claimed; we don’t even think we’re that good at it. We just understand what it is. The Clog ranks #1 on our list because we appreciate their savagery and our epic (read: inconsequential, unlikely that anybody actually besides the involved parties cares about it) rivalry.
Happy end of the school year! Here’s to more years and more pissed off campus groups!
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