As we approach spring break, we tend to forget about that small event we must all endure before we split out of school: finals week. The closer it gets, the more we deny its existence until we’ve procrastinated enough. When the stress of denying this week of Hell is too hard to battle, we give up and bury our heads in our books. To help you forget about finals and maintain a stress free end of quarter, The Black Sheep came up with some foolproof suggestions.
7.) Visit the Tercero cows:
No stress here, just some friendly majestic beasts. Take all the time you need and remember that nothing else matters at that moment, except those beautiful cows. Who needs to care about how failing a final can lead to failing a class which leads to setting you back on your four-year plan, meaning that you might not graduate on time and you’ll just continue to drown in debt? No one, that’s who.
6.) Take all the naps you need:
When you feel your eyes start to droop as you read the tedious and boring pages of your textbook, succumb to the feeling. Napping is great. It makes a really long day feel so much shorter because it takes up all the time you should have spent studying. But it’s okay because your finals really don’t matter at all. Right?
5.) Stressfully binge watch a new show:
Turn on Netflix and click on the first thing you see. It doesn’t matter if you’re watching the most annoying show on Earth, at least you won’t be thinking about finals. Every time that little tingling feeling of stress starts to encompass your body, just focus on that little screen in front of you. If the show you’re watching mentions the word “finals,” immediately turn it off, ball up into the fetal position, and refer to suggestion #6.
4.) Eat at the DC until they kick you out:
Stress-eating is a totally healthy and reasonable thing to do. Take advantage of that buffet-style eating at the DC. If it’s late night, eat as many cookies as you possibly can. The severe pain you’ll feel after eating all that junk food will definitely keep your mind off finals.
3.) Start excessively drinking:
When you’re slobbering drunk, you can’t study, so there’s no point in worrying about it. Just keep throwing back those drinks and you’ll have quite a future ahead of you regardless of finals. Granted, that future will be filled with painful hangovers, but there are no finals in rehab!
2.) Cancel all plans and social engagements:
Don’t even go to work. If you go out for any reason, you’re certain to hear the word “final.” It’s best to just avoid it so that you don’t get triggered in public. Better yet, barricade the doors and windows of your home; you can’t take any chances.
1.) Drop out of college:
The pain can all be over with one simple decision. All you have to do is drop out. It’s the only surefire method that you won’t have to deal with the upcoming finals. It may seem excessive, but if it means finally getting your life back, it’ll probably maybe sort of be worth it.
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