Anyone who likes to go out on a Friday night in Davis after consuming more than your doctor-recommended amount of drugs and alcohol knows that G St. is the fucking best. With the promise of everything from a Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme to the best fries in the world at WingStop, G St. isn’t just the street with the best bars on it. But the place that was truly blessed with a prime location across the street from Blondie’s and curly fries that are like Fiji water in the Sahara Desert to a drunk as fuck college kid is Jack in the Box. With these enticing features, Jack in the Box has become arguably the most lit spot on a Friday night at 1 a.m., or at least lit for everyone who isn’t the poor cashier trying to understand what your hammered ass wants on a cheeseburger.
Naturally, The Black Sheep had to spend a Friday night at the G. St. Jack in the Box so we could record the drunk and uncomfortable moments that go down when college students get hungry after binge drinking. That’s right, we actually watched this shit go down.
12:30 a.m. Walked into Jack In The Box with two friends who are dating and had nothing better to do than third wheel me on a Friday night. Oh how the tables have turned. Sat down at the only open table and you would think that they sold alcohol solely based on the amount of intoxication filling one building.
12:32 a.m. There is literally trash on every goddamn table and I almost didn’t sit down because the half empty large drink and 5 million sauce packets made it seem like someone could have been sitting there? But looking at the amount of trash literally everywhere it’s a safe guess that people just forget what a trashcan is when intoxicated.
12:34 a.m. My friends went to order some food since unlike me, they actually came to Jack to eat. Lowkey considered getting up to order a large curly fries but highkey was afraid someone would take my seat and be too drunk to give it back.
12:35 a.m. Time to look around and get a sense of what kind of shit I’ll be seeing tonight. Everyone hanging out is arranged in large groups, mostly groups of all guys but there are a couple of groups with guys and girls mingling. Most everyone is dressed in bar attire but a handful are dressed casually. One group of guys and girls are loitering near the entrance and awkwardly stopping every person trying to come in. “Hi welcome to Jack In The Box!” *awkwardly fights through drunk loiterers to get in the establishment*
12:38 a.m. Friends came back with food, time to slowly eat all of their fries
12:40 a.m. Nothing super interesting quite yet, probably because it’s still a semi reasonable hour and the crazies don’t come out until bars start to close at 1. Most people walk in laughing then once they enter immediately go quiet and act seriously looking around at everyone else, so still not turnt enough to dgaf.
12:45 a.m. One large group of fraternity men at a table aren’t even eating just sitting and talking loudly and punching each other. Wow I am in for quite the night.
12:52 a.m. There is a man (?) possibly a woman in the very back corner closest to the bathrooms wearing a heavy ass parka with a fur line hood pulled all the way to their eyes and they a black facemask pulled all the way up to their eyes so they look like a ninja silently waiting to kill someone. Literally scary as fuck, he/she/it is sitting and waiting, almost like preying on people. That’s creepy as hell… why hide your face? Definitely will be watching them to make sure they don’t go ape shit. Would take a picture but too afraid they’ll catch me and shoot laser beams out of their eyes at me.
1:00 a.m. Like fucking magic the line goes from non-existent to out the door and it’s almost impossible to think with how loud it is. But most everyone seems fairly composed as of now with no one standing out as more than laughably drunk.
1:05 a.m. Ooh, that awkward moment when someone I know walks in on a date. Ooh get it girl. He’s a keeper for sure if he’s taking you out to Jack in the Box.
1:08 a.m. The tables are pretty trash filled now and I feel like I can safely confirm that nobody here gives a single shit about it. Apparently three trashcans in the Coho to separate waste isn’t really teaching people that paper napkins belong in compost, not on the floor in a pile that looks like shitty origami.
1:10 a.m. Some drunk douche started kicking the metal fencing next to my table and pretty much acting like a toddler until his friend had to tell him “dude stop.”
1:18 a.m. Some random scrawny tall dude came up to my table to say hi to my friend and fuck my luck he starts talking to me, asking what my major is and all the basic intro Davis student stuff. Yes I’m in Greek life, yeah I went to the basketball game, and no I really don’t feel like socializing right now.
1:20 a.m. I’ve been sitting interacting with this guy while in a zoned-out daze hoping he’ll leave me alone but no. He starts talking about the political club he is in and how I should come to their philanthropy event. Out of nowhere he shoves his cellphone at me and tells me to add him on Facebook so he can invite me to the event page. As usual my crippling politeness was like “Oh fuck how are you going to get out of this, LOL just comply.”
1:28 a.m. The scrawny guy would not leave me and my friends alone after so many awkward silences on my behalf. Honestly UCD should teach a class on how to take a hint cause this dude needs it. He’s talking to my friend and thank heaven one of his bros came up and said everyone was leaving. “Yeah I’ll totally see you later can’t wait to come to your event!!” LOL JK sorry dude.
1:30 a.m. Literally no one will pick up his or her trash. It’s covering every single table I swear. Is the ninja still preying on me? Yep they have not moved a muscle. Meditation at Jack In The Box maybe?
1:35 a.m. Some people are dressed a little oddly, but there’s one guy wearing a pinstripe suit with no shirt underneath and a matching striped bow tie. But, that’s probably a frat thing. Lots of frat bro bonding going down in Jack In The Box.
1:40 a.m. Somebody just started loudly shushing everybody and said, “shut up I wanna order!” The real MVP of the room to be honest.
1:45 a.m. Update: almost an hour later and not a single movement from the ninja near the bathroom. Okay maybe they touched their food a bit but it doesn’t look like it. Time to start imagining all of the impossible scenarios of this person erupting out of stealth mode and causing some crazy shit. How long do I have to stay here??
1:48 a.m. The cashiers working the Jack In The Box look like they absolutely hate their life right now. I would too if I had to understand the jibberish these drunk people are trying to make sound like an order. Just throw some fries at them and leave homegirl, you’re not getting paid enough for this shit.
1:53 a.m. Some girls sitting in the corner are dressed so fancy they look like they could be coming from homecoming dance. One almost knocked over the little vase on the table that’s almost unrecognizable from trash, so they all had to scream in laughter about it. The whole restaurant is just a bunch of little cliques of people socializing, except they’re all drunk and instead of polite socializing it’s just random yelling and laughing.
1:56 a.m. There’s a guy ordering at the counter right now who has hair like the old Weeknd that sticks up like a palm tree. I think my friends are tired of being at Jack In The Box for over an hour.
1:57 a.m. BUT WHY BE TIRED WHEN EVEN MORE PEOPLE KEEP WALKING IN AND IT GETS EVEN LOUDER HOLY SHIT.
2:00 a.m. The later it gets the weirder the people look who keep coming in to Jack. Random groups of middle-aged men start to walk in dressed in clothing that is weirdly young for their age. So now it’s not just students, but the local Davis weirdos who have decided it’s time for some $2 tacos. I probably should leave soon before I get anyone else trying to talk to me.
2:04 a.m. It’s getting late and to the sober individual (me) the atmosphere is fairly uncomfortable. No one is as drunk as the time when my friend threw one of their little vases on the floor and got marbles everywhere then proceeded to sit on the ground while waiting for her order, ’cause you know, too drunk. But everyone is still pretty intoxicated and making the most of it while I just notice that NO ONE PICKS UP THEIR TRASH.
2:10 a.m. My friends clearly hate me for keeping them at Jack in the Box for so long but maybe some onion rings for the road will make them not regret my friendship.
2:15 Well, this was quite the night to be had at Jack in the Box. If you’re ever looking for a good laugh or some awkward encounters on a Friday night, I would definitely suggest going and ordering some curly fries. Oh and also while we were walking out of the door…
2:16 SURPRISE PLOT TWIST THE NINJA WAS A WOMAN.