Kylie Jenner had a baby at age 20 and, perhaps due to her juvenile disposition, she named her baby “Stormi.” That’s right, Jenner did the incredible: suffered the pains of pregnancy, endured childbirth, and gave life. And then, just when she might gain a little more respect from her peers, she named her baby “Stormi.” Even if you narrow your name search down to absurd UC Davis-inspired names, Stormi still doesn’t scratch the surface. So if you’re reading this Kylie, and are still considering a name change for poor Stormi, please take note of our baby names better than Stormi.
So maybe Giedt doesn’t necessarily sound nice, but it isn’t nearly as pretentious. Plus, Giedt could even be her first word, which would actually be super adorable. Plus, then she’d be named after the super rich engineer who donated $2.5 million dollars to UC Davis, instead a really dumb way to spell “Stormy.”
6.) Winona Bikeryder:
This name is nothing short of Bad. Ass. First of all, Winona is a beautiful name, and her baby would be named after a gorgeous talented actress. Second of all, Bikeryder is a hella cool middle name, which totally encompasses the bike culture of this school. Get with it Kylie!
Still not a great name, but better than “Stormi.” And, if Arboretum ever asked how she got her name, she could come and look at our beautiful campus and maybe come across some otters or cute lil’ turtles. Instead, Stormi will ask her mom and her mom will have to explain that in her time, people thought they were cool for naming their kids hipster shit and spelling words with “i” instead of “y.”
Mondavi is actually a really pretty name, and definitely unique. Also, the actual Mondavi Center is really pretty too. All around, Kylie could have equated the name “Mondavi” with pretty. It would have gotten way less backlash in publicity too. Plus, the Mondavis were some fine, educated, cultured people.
Literally the name of our school would have been so cool! Sure it’s traditionally a boy’s name, but clearly Kylie wasn’t going for anything traditional when she thought up Stormi. Plus, it’s 2018 people, let’s stop making names so gendered. Davis is a slick name named after a sick school; there’s nothing wrong about it!
2.) Barn (short for Barney):
She could be named after the Bike Barn, the barns we keep cows in, or the art barn (which is really the only way you should be referring to the Craft Center, by the way). Plus, Barney’s kind of a cute name. But the point of this name is literally just that almost anything is better than Stormi.
Gunrock is the second-coolest name (coolest only behind Winona Bikeryder of course). Sure, people love to hate on our mascot sometimes, but let’s be honest: If you met someone named Gunrock, wouldn’t you want to get to know them better immediately? It makes them all the more interesting! Plus, they’re named after a super cool horse and an eternal blue mascot. Maybe Stormi should just legally change her name to Gunrock when she’s eighteen.
Well, Kylie’s made her bed, and now poor innocent Stormi has to lie in it for the rest of her life. We can’t save her now, but maybe this list can inspire some UC Davis students or alumni when their special day comes. Just remember kids, don’t get pregnant at 20, and anything’s better than Stormi.
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