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Following One Day of Rain, UC Davis Reverts Back to Mole-People Lifestyle

After returning from spring break, UCD suddenly felt overwhelmingly like summer. It was hot, the sun was out, and people were frolicking through fields of cows and cum trees with nothing but smiles. But it didn’t last long.

Almost as quickly as it had arrived, the good weather was gone again, only to be replaced with sudden rain storms the next day. Amid the dreary skies students and staff are only seen outside in passing, as they scuffle quickly to their destinations with sad frowns and lifeless eyes.

“Winter quarter was so hard for me. I’m from SoCal, and it was just so much darkness,” said first-year student Anne Songbird. “I just wasn’t ready. When the sun came back I thought I’d finally be okay,” she sniffled, holding back tears, “…but with the rain back, I just try to get through the day. I don’t even talk to people anymore, I just talk to my breakfast burrito at Ali Babas.”

Her sad story was not unlike many others. Timothy Morrison, a fourth-year student, shared a similar story. 

“It’s the same every year,” Morrison said. “People hype themselves up for the good weather, throw on their dusty old pair of shorts hoping for one sun-filled day, but it just makes it all the harder for them when the rain comes back, and it always does.”

As he spoke, he quickly put a large black poncho over himself and his backpack, giving the impression of a large hump. He continued, “The only good way to make it through this is minimal interaction, avoiding the outdoors, and staying dry.” And with that he scurried away, hunched over as he dodged other anti-social students and staff, who had all begun to adorn this hump-back look.

Third-year student Jeffrey Spokes said, “I can’t talk right now—can’t you see it’s fucking raining outside?” before putting his headphones back in and dashing away, mysteriously disappearing into a large mound of dirt that suddenly appeared on the East Quad lawn.

Dr. Gerald Milkens, an animal sciences professor at Davis, has been a member of the school’s animal science program studying sudden Animorph-style phenomena in local college students. 

“This phenomenon happens every year,” Milkens said. “The return of the rain puts students in a place of shock. The Davis community becomes one of mole people, but only momentarily. It’s fascinating really.” 

An email from UC Davis administrators explains to students that after the rain passes, “beautiful spring weather will come out in full force.” 

“But don’t forget that after that nice spring weather comes scorching hot summer heat, so enjoy being a mole person while it lasts,” the email said. 

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