Local student George Pilanski gave The Black Sheep an exclusive interview about how this past UC Davis syllabus week went by too damn fast. We interviewed him at his overpriced apartment in West Village, overlooking the majesty of empty dirt fields. He spoke to us while reclining in a rocking chair on the balcony.
“The problem,” Pilanski began, “is that syllabus week just seems so short. It seems like it was just yesterday, but then I check my calendar and it was almost half-a-week ago. It’s just not right.
“Sometimes you don’t even get a full week,” he continued. “When a teacher starts actually teaching on Wednesday, that’s when you know the class is going to be terrible right away. Because the teacher doesn’t respect syllabus week and its true significance of doing absolutely nothing. Watching videos is fine. Reviewing material from previous classes is on thin ice.”
Pilanski looked fondly at the rows of framed syllabi on his wall, all organized by levels of tolerance each professor had for students showing up slightly drunk to class. “See, the ideal syllabus should take all week to cover because it should contain all information needed for the class. The ideal syllabus should allow the professor to answer any and all questions with, ‘It’s in the syllabus.’”
When asked when his favorite syllabus week was, George folded his hands in his lap and stared into the distance. “I would have to say winter of ‘16. All my classes had a full week before they started up, and my English class analyzed poems for the second week, so we didn’t have to read much until week three.”
He closed his eyes and smiled, warm memories of that easy transition from the shortest winter break ever flooding his mind.
“Those days are over though,” he said with a sigh, swirling a glass of Franzia he poured straight from the box. “These days, syllabus week only lasts one, maybe two days. And that’s if we’re lucky. I walked into a class last week on Monday and the professor had a Powerpoint up 30 minutes in,” Pilanski said, a single tear rolling down his face.
He looked wistfully into the distance, his eyes reflecting the memories of quarters past. “It’s week two, and I already have to start posting midterm depression memes,” he said mournfully. So it goes, we reflect on the greatness of syllabus week and may it rest in peace for this quarter.