Are you stuck in Davis for Thanksgiving break? Are you sad that you can’t spend Thanksgiving eating a homemade meal with your parents? Most students are #blessed enough to be able to get out of Davis for our pathetic two-day break, but unfortunately, some poor souls are not lucky enough to be able to travel home for such a short break. We at The Black Sheep have compiled a handy guide for preparing your Thanksgiving dinner if you’re stuck in Davis, so here are some simple, college-level recipes for your own meal this Thursday.
5.) Green Bean Casserole:
Make this Midwest Thanksgiving staple the way you like it: easy and entirely from a can. Mix together a can of green beans and a can of mushroom soup and pour it in a dish. Microwave it until warm. After it’s done cooking, crush a bag of Funyuns you bought at AMPM and sprinkle on top for texture. This will end up making a swampy mess, which means it will still be better than what your aunt makes. For added flair, pick some greens or grass from the Arboretum and top off your casserole with a natural garnish.
If you want that rich gravy taste with none of the hassle, look no further. Mix several beef flavor ramen packets with water and slowly bring to a boil on the stovetop. Add flour in small increments to thicken the broth until it reaches an acceptable gravy-like consistency. It’s gravy kind of. Not that difficult.
3.) Mashed potatoes:
What is this, food network? Get some instant mashed potatoes and follow the instructions on the box, you useless walnut. Leftovers from the DC dumpster work too if you’re strapped for cash.
What, you want some sort of cheap substitution for turkey? It’s turkey. I guess you could use chicken, as some sort of cheaper turkey. They’re gonna taste different though. If you’re really desperate you can fry up some lunch meat in a pan. It’ll taste terrible, but at least it will be quick and cheap. For the true survivalists out there, the Davis wild turkeys are always fair game if you’re brave enough to hunt them down.
1.) Apple pie:
There is literally no cheap and easy equivalent to making an entire pie. Fine. You can cook some peeled apple slices on the stove and then put them on bread. That’s not pie though. That’s a weird soggy apple sandwich. No one wants that. Just march your lazy self down to McDonald’s and buy an apple pie. They’re, like, a dollar.
If this Thanksgiving dinner is pretty terrible compared to usual, at least you don’t have to awkwardly sit with your extended family while they talk about politics and how fat you’ve gotten at school. So, your welcome.