The 6 Weirdest Dating App Bios Found at UC-Davis

author-pic at UC Davis  

As collegiate students, nearly none of us are strangers to the realm of dating apps. In the blizzard of single people and desperation, some bios can get a little, well, weird. In an attempt to be clever, some people present themselves through what should be considered the collegiate equivalent of dad jokes: TMI bios. We talked to some UC Davis women about the weirdest bios they had seen in their online dating experiences on this campus. Hopefully, we can all learn a little bit from these poor gents or, at least, chuckle a bit.

Kink Boi:

“For the record, he’s not kinky,” –Taylor

In a desperate attempt to appeal to fans of 50 Shades of Grey, one suitor fell short by being all talk and no walk, and advertising Rock ‘n Pop Swirl Sherbet when he was a vanilla yogurt kind of dude.

What is This, an App for Ants?:

“This one was ‘rediculously’ good, in my opinion. #whipsandchains #ohandcocaine,” –Grace

When trying to quote Zoolander, it is great to resemble to main character’s confidence, but maybe don’t mimic his brainpower. In this situation, one man started off with some gentle wordplay on the name of the app, and then released the kraken…the krazy kraken.

Twist Ending:

“This is the bio that made me reevaluate my whole life,” –Miranda

Poor Miranda encountered a glass-half-empty kind of man. However, we have to give this poor chap some credit for having a bio with a great plot. That twist ending with a murder? Give him a movie deal… pronto. Additionally, this bio is what motivated me to get “#novegans” tattooed on my bicep.

All Hope is Lost:

“I had only been on Tinder for 5 minutes when I found this one, and now my hope for mankind is ruined,” –Lauren

There are a couple things with this. Firstly, this guy seems like he works out for approximately 25 hours a day. Secondly, perhaps he should download the Pizza Hut app instead of Tinder.

Chancellor of Love:

Everyone deserves love. Even corrupt chancellors deserve love. Additionally, she looks so mature for 21.

Bread Hot Love:

“I don’t have a screenshot, but my roommate and I came across an account dedicated to buttered toast…and the toast was actually extremely rude,” Annie

It sounds like that toast was topped with some salted butter. Look, we can all make it through college, but I’m not sure I could make it through getting bullied by my “Day One,” bread.

In short, it seems like even if you don’t find your Prince Charming in the App Store, you might at least find a good laugh. Keep persisting, ladies. Some buttered toast might be standing at the altar waiting for you in due time.

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