With finals conquered and the blazing heat of summer in the air, UCR students should be celebrating their hearts out. Seems as though many students can’t seem to find our long-awaited summertime joy, because well, there are people who’re participating in the nightmare that is summer classes at UCR. Luckily, The Black Sheep made a list of what your summer schoolers can do to prepare for your bleak future:
5.) Avoid UCR Like the Plague:
If you’re going to dedicate your entire summer to the university, why the hell would you visit the campus during any break you have? Treat the floor of the entire campus like lava and avoid it at all costs. This is going to be the first and last place you’ll be seeing during your summer, so while your pals are returning home and enjoying their time away from Scotty, you’ll be stuck here. Cool.
4.) Force Someone to Become Your BFF:
During this extended period of suffering, it’s up to you to befriend another poor soul and cling to them for the rest of the term. You need to keep your Instagram updated with selfies of you and your new “best friend” so your real friends think you’re having fun without them. To prepare for this forced friendship, take this time to explore the UCR Facebook groups, where your peers are desperately asking companionship. This is a good opportunity to find some sucker to manipulate into being your BFFL.
3.) Get Your Laze On:
If this is your first time taking summer classes at UCR, be prepared to do a lot of horrible, miserable learning. Take the time now to perfect that Netflix watch-list, and make sure your bedroom is stocked up with food and drinks because you’re going to want to get as much relaxation time in as possible before classes start.
2.) Plan on Using the UCR Gym over the Entire Summer. Then, Just Don’t:
Students have access to the UCR gym during the summer if they’re taking classes during the summer session, and this is the perfect opportunity to get that summer body you’ve always wanted. Unfortunately, the best exercise you’re going to get is walking from Lot 30 to your lecture. Some really ambitious students might walk around the Bell Tower a couple of times between classes, and after about three circles they’ll feel their sides begin to burn, pat themselves on the back for doing such a good job, and head on home to lay in bed for the rest of the day.
1.) Plan to Survive Exclusively Off of Top Ramen:
For students living on campus during that time, be prepared to survive on Top Ramen exclusively. You’ve already spent all of your money on books and parking permits, so you really have no other option. These bad boys are cheap as hell, and will keep you from completely starving to death. Prepare summer recipes that use instant ramen for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Sprinkle them in your milk in lieu of cereal, or grill them up as a hamburger patty to create the illusion of variety in your diet.
Enjoy whatever time you have before summer classes start, and God have mercy on those that have already been hit by the syllabus.
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