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6 Spots at UC Riverside to Sneak a Delicious Tide Pod

The Tide Pod Diet is taking over. Foodies at UC Riverside are losing their laundry over the Tide Pod craze that has been seeing Americans consume the scrumptious-looking packets of detergent rather than using them to wash their swag. While the staff at The Black Sheep does not endorse or advocate for the Tide Pod diet, we extend the sensation as a tenacious, delicious endeavor. From what we’ve heard, of course. Here are 6 places at UCR to sneak in a tide pod, for when hunger strikes:

6.) Block Party:
While no personal accounts of hallucinating from consuming a Tide Pod have arisen, it’s safe to bet that a reaction is bound to occur. Sneaking a Pod to Block Party or any of UCR music festivals is the perfect alternative to the poor drug user. MDMA is too expensive and weed is too normie to mess with. By the time you pass security at the entrance, your insides are likely doused in ridiculous amounts of green apple poison. Do the right thing and cleanse yourself with the orange-and-blue.

5.) Student Rec Center:
Forgot your pre-workout meal and are lifting on an empty stomach? Don’t make the mistake of burning muscle over fat and grab a quick bite with Tide. Perhaps the idea of using it as fuel lacks any nutritional merit, but you’ll certainly feel ethanolamine coursing through your veins in a pump of life-threatening rush.

4.) The Habit
It’s noon and your friends are trying to grab lunch during a gap. Unfortunately for you, your empty got left at home. Left with no money and a standard to dine with folks you care about not because you’re hungry but to maintain social relevance among your clique, you whip out a Tide Pod. Grab a plastic fork and watch the saliva cascade from Mary Lou across the table and she watches in envy, left with a measly combo of avocado BLT and seasoned fries.

3.) Orbach/Rivera Library
Hours spent catching up on last quarter’s material is an arduous mission that will keep you imprisoned at the library for hours. Rather than settling for your fifth Nature Valley bar of the day, a Tide Pod begins to run through your mind and down to your stomach. Complemented by the Sriracha keychain that your roommate gifted you in an act of apologizing for having accidentally used all your beard butter to cook salmon with, the two will pair like a heavenly combo out of a Food Network video.

2.) University Village Theater:
Orville Redenbacher has met his match. Going in to watch another cash-grab of a sequel starring alien robots, your distaste for movie popcorn has you watching a feature on an empty belly. If the neighboring Flame Broiler had at least a “D” grade in their latest sanitary inspection you would’ve been full going in but are now left with one option. Don’t forget to share the Pod with your fellow movie-goers!

1.) Botanical Garden:
If you’re lucky, sometimes an animal crosses your path during a hike along the UCR Botanical Garden. Since UCR rejected your request to add a petting zoo equipped with a feeding station at the Garden, you’re approaching fluffy rabbits and fanciful mountain lions with nothing to offer them for food. Rather than sacrificing the last slice of La Fiamma pizza crammed into your Bape x Supreme backpack, toss ’em a Tide Pod and watch them prance in a high of excitement!

 

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