Top 6 Reasons to Sue UCR

author-pic at UC Riverside  

With the quarter almost coming to an end, many of you are probably trying to figure out how to get out of doing any more work while still getting some money in the process. This list is sure to provide some perspective on how to drop all your schooling and make some money without the hard work of getting a degree.

6.) The HUB Servings:

All we want to do is stuff our sorrows of having to go to that 8 a.m. class, yet the HUB seems to make it its sole duty to make sure you get what they would consider a “healthy” serving, yeah, a half scooping of carne asada at the Habanero’s is definitively a healthier choice.

5.) UCR Poser Fall:

One of the best spots to take that photo showing off what school you go to is the giant UCR letters right by the HUB. The classic jumping and taking the photo midair pose is so last year so it has become much more difficult to be more original in the photo poses, most attempts ending in you nearly falling off the R for thinking you could be cool and dangle off the letter with only one hand. Might as well get some money for looking like a complete fool in the middle of campus.

4.) Long Lot Walks:

It’s already difficult enough trying to even find a parking spot in Lot 30, and they expect us to walk all the way from there to campus too? Talk about cruel and unusual punishments, you’d think going to lecture was already a form of punishment.

3.) Exercising to Go Exercise:

Since the campus loves to take our money and decided it was a requirement for every student to pay for the use of the SRC, regardless of even wanting to use the facilities, we might as well take advantage of the gym equipment and get our money’s worth. But the walk from campus to the SRC makes you feel as though you’ve already had your daily dose of soreness by the time you even reach the hand scanners.

2.) Bell Tower Hell Speech:

With the Bell Tower being the campus center, it is no surprise that this is where you go if you want to be heard by a crowd and any passing students and staff. There is no better place to tell students they are all going to hell, but the joke is on them, at school we are already living in our personal hell.

1.) Scotty’s Demon Eyes:

When not falling off the UCR letters, the nearby bench with our favorite neighborhood Highlander, Scotty, is the next best place to taking a photo. The many lap dances the poor guy has received continues to grow in numbers, you can see the haunted look in his eyes. In fact, if you look closely, his eyes almost seem to follow you as you walk by. That calls for some justice to reign down on that beady eyed Highlander.

Like booze before noon? So do these guys…