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7 Finals UCSB Students Would Actually Pass

It’s finals time, and a lot of us are already prepared for a C or four. It gets you thinking, if you’re bad at everything you’re doing now, what could you possibly be good at? Well, we’ve got the answers. Here are 7 classes any Gaucho could ace:

7.) Freshman Seminar 420J: Ripping Fat Bowls:
UCSB students are great at ripping fat bowls, so in a class based on hands-on bowl-ripping education, there would be a lot of A+’s. Well that, and freshman seminar grades are based purely on attendance. So maybe we couldn’t pass. Who knows.

6.) Art 69: Phallic Symbolism in Modern Automobile Window Art:
Analyzing phallic symbolism in automobile window art would come naturally to Gauchos who, for the most part, have vast expertise and experience in the field. UCSB students would easily answer questions such as “What does this poorly drawn penis on this car’s windshield symbolize?” with answers like “It means that the artist was blackout drunk.” 

5.) Urination 300: Advanced Public Urination Tactics and Maneuvers:
Isla Vista is the Mecca of public urination. Take a stroll down a dimly lit driveway anywhere in Isla Vista on a Friday night and you’re bound to find three or four dudes peeing to their hearts content. As a result of lots of hard work and practice, Gauchos could easily pass this upper div course.

4.) Tripping Ballsack 199RA: Research Internships for Tripping Ballsack Majors:
If there was a class dedicated to doing research on tripping ballsack, UCSB students would pass with flying colors, as in they would experience a lot of flying colors. Professor of astronomy Robert Antonucci took this class back in the 70’s and described it as “out of this world fun for everyone involved.” 

3.) Necking 1: An Introduction to Necking:
We’re not really sure what necking means, but we’re pretty sure it involves your neck. What we know for sure is that any UCSB student could ace the shit out of Necking 1. 

2.) Hunting 99: Urban Raccoon Hunting for STEM Majors:
When you’re drunk in IV, you’re bound to see a raccoon. When you’re drunk and you see a raccoon, you chase that raccoon. When you chase that raccoon, you catch it and make it your little pet. STEM majors are slightly slower than average meaning that this class has a generous curve for those who are veterans of the hunt yet on the cumbersome side. An easy A for sure.

1.) Communications 1: Intro to Communication:
This is actually a real class at UCSB so we feel a little bad about that. Doesn’t mean the pet raccoon you caught in Hunting 99 couldn’t ace the final.

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