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7 Things That’ll Happen After Having a Wet Dream About Your Professor

You could barely stay awake in class until one day it happened: the dream. It started innocently enough with studying in the Coffee Collab, and quickly escalated with your professor walking in and making sweet love to you with is Edward Penis-Hands. It was the most amazing experience of your subconscious life. Now even though your attendance is perfect, you’ll still have to deal with some side effects of your evolving preferences. Here are seven things to expect after seeing your now-irresistible professor:

7.) You’re going to have to dump your boyfriend now:
He pales in comparison because he has never made love to you so sweetly and refuses to do so in public because it is “illegal.” Even worse, he refuses to get the “Edward Penis-Hands” surgery because it’s “useless and painful.” This just means he doesn’t actually love you.

6.) Your grades will skyrocket:
You can never put down your pen or take your eyes off your new dream man. This will have be a great pay off to you, as your GPA will rise by 3 points to a 3.0.

5.) You’ll attend all the office hours, all the time:
It started off awkward but now you two can not stop talking about the class! You love to debate how Warld Wor 2 affected the waffle making industry but greatly helped strip clubs. You’ve grown that intimate. Embrace it.

4.) You’ll write him an email confessing your undying love:
Send it immediately before your final is graded. You’re not sure how it’ll be taken, but you’re sure it will get you a date, or at the very least a C+.

3.) Time to buy your fake ID that says you’re over 18 but not over 21:
He’ll want to know that you’re legal to fuck but not too old if you’re a woman cause then that’d be gross.

2.) Poke holes in all your condoms:
Also, go off your birth control if you have any. Who cares if your hormones run wild and leave you crying over having too much pepperoni on your pizza in Woodstock’s. If you get a chance with this man, you have to make sure it never gets away. The best way to do that is to reproduce.

1.) And get ready for some even crazier dreams:
He took you into a public bathroom. He pulled your pants down so hard your belt snapped in two over your thick ass. He took out his hard, throbbing cock and thrust it into your hole. You cried out, and tears of ecstasy rolled down your face. You started get anxious but then he said the magic words that made your heart flutter. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I work for Fed-Ex,” he said. “I work for Fed-Ex.”

Remember kiddos, when you absolutely need to get it overnight, Fed-Sex Express is there for you. For all other times, keep humping the Fed-Ex professor of your dreams.

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