4 Catchy Email Subject Lines to Desperately Elicit a PTA Code from Your Professor

author-pic at UC Santa Barbara  

Brought to you by The Black Sheep is a clearly non-comprehensive nor exhaustive list of desperately catchy subject lines to use whence you allow your fingers to traitorously, in the name of the perfect schedule, email your lowkey underpaid, highkey overwhelmed professor if you may please, pleeease have a PTA code. Do it in the name of the perfect GOLD schedule. MWs only, no fuggin’ TR or Fs. Who gives a hoot if the professor demandingly specified to not send emails requesting a Petition To Add code?

4.) “Dear-est Professor:”
A subtle deviation from “Dear Professor,” this catchy subject line denotes both professionalism and total, authentic courteousness. Even if you don’t (which you shouldn’t) give a hoot. You know how to show your professor that s/he is also of your dearest caliber, not just the expected professional email greeting status. Prove it. It’s a rung higher on the “I deserve a PTA Code” ladder.

3.) The Deserving Ladder — Why I Deserve a PTA Code:
Professors love reading. The world’s only true blanket statement. Teachers also love metaphors. Even if you’re a perfect stranger, it is coded in a professor’s DNA that they have to read a personal anecdote that, in vivid detail, describes why you are a rung higher on the metaphoric ladder of “I deserve a PTA Code.” Plus professors have tons of free time for activities like reading random student emails. And painting their dogs’ paw-nails. And trying some new stir-fry recipe. Who knows? None of our owl friends.

2.) Do you like fruit?
Obviously, people — professors included — like fruit. But this one-liner tests just how far the desk tables have turned. YOU make the professor think. YOU make the professor reflect. YOU make the professor write a 300-500 word response demonstrating s/he A) understood the reading and B) can add an important or unique perspective to the conversation topic. Why was capitalization disregarded? What’s the connection between fruit and PTA codes? This is how the depth of your relationship steepens. Eye to eye. Finger to finger. Digital eyes and fingers here, fam. It’s an email, remember? Nasty.

1.) Eye for an Eye: PC4PC: PTA Code for I’ll Babysit Your Dog for Free:
Your catchy subject line need not care if the professor knows/remembers the glory days of PC4PC showing up on every Myspace post. Nor how you know what kind of precious fluffy doge s/he owns (goldendoodle). The point is, the dearest deep unity you’re establishing is the party end of the mullet. There’s still a very real, very fugly business end that requires a solid trade. This is the trade. PTA for puppy. PTA FOR PUPPY.

Whatever. Even if your subject line isn’t catchy and is as haphazard as the option numbering of this list, you’ll get one. Just keep trying. Just keep emailing. Professors love that shit.