7 Things to Say to Cute UCSB Boys Walking Across Campus

author-pic at UC Santa Barbara  

You don’t know his name, his astrological sign, or anything about him really, but he is the hottest guy you have seen since move-in day and you’re desperate to make a move. Here are seven smooth lines to help get the conversation between the two of you love birds started:

7.) “Hey! How are you? It’s been AGES.”
Keep him on his toes by pretending to be someone he’s met before. If he’s kind, he’ll go along with it, but if he’s truly relationship material, he’ll yell “STRANGER DANGER” and punch you in the neck before walking away. This might be one of the more important tests any relationship can endure.

6.) “I wish they would teach us more about Jesus.”
This is a spin on a new classic. It will prove you are “hip with the times” but more importantly that you love Jesus. What self-respecting college student wouldn’t fall head-over-heels for someone that puts another man first?

5.) Honestly anything, if your eye is twitching.
A twitching eye not only looks super cute, but it also shows that you are intensely serious, and guys like serious. Most often guys are just looking for something serious and can’t find it. One day when his hopes are down, you’ll swoop in with your twitching eye and answer all of his prayers.

4.) “So you’ve probably heard of Hamilton, but if you’re looking for a truly great biographical play, I suggest Thurgood: the story of one man’s journey to become the first African-American to serve as a Supreme Court Justice.”
Not only will this show your love of history and your thirst for knowledge, but it will allow him to get a good sense of just how outside of the box you really are. You refuse to conform to social norms, and he will appreciate that. However, it is recommended that you read up on your Thurgood history before you engage in this conversation, as it just may happen that he counter-challenges you with facts about Thurgood Marshall. If he does, he’s a keeper.

3.) “I’m emotionally constipated, I haven’t given a shit in days.”
Not only is this a fantastic, side-splitting pun, but now he will associate you with constipation forever. If he can start a conversation with you after that, there’s nothing stopping your relationship from blossoming.

2.) “Do you agree that Season 7 was Seinfeld’s most iconic season on television?”
Just like a literature essay, his answer probably doesn’t matter; he just needs evidence to support himself. Let’s face it, if he isn’t educated enough to answer this question, he isn’t worth dating.

1.) Fall over in front of him and shout “Oh gee willikers!”
There are so many things right with this method. First, falling in front of any potential love interest is strongly encouraged by all leading love experts. It just shows viewers all around your best angles, and in such an elegant way. Also, profanity is so basic, so shouting something like “Oh gee willikers!” will surely pique his interest.

Now go out there and get the man of your dreams!

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