HiWi Steals “Best Mediocre Asian Restaurant” Crown from Hana Kitchen

author-pic at UC Santa Barbara  

In a stunning upset, HiWi Tropical Fusion has officially usurped the title of “Best Mediocre Asian Restaurant,” from its day-one competitor: Hana Kitchen. For years, Hana was the undisputed king of sort-of-ok Asian cuisine in IV, easily blowing away competitors such as Wok on the Wild Side and Pho Bistro with its under-sauced chicken bowls, served after an optimal waiting period of half an hour, minimum. However, this all changed with the introduction of HiWi, which, with its emblazoned logo and aesthetic greenery, made a powerful first impression.

“It all happened so fast; HiWi is open for like, two weeks, and suddenly all of our customers are going there now,” Hana employee Jack Ingram groaned. “Hana prides itself on its stellar food service. We serve our food slower than anyone on the block. How can HiWi possibly be doing better than us?” The decrease in customers has been so dramatic that Ingram and his peers are now forced to serve their customers before they can leave in a huff just to keep up. Pain is visible in Ingram’s face when he calls out the order numbers, and must apologize to shocked customers for shelling out their food so quickly.

“I must say I was not disappointed,” said customer Rachel Lung, longtime Hana diner, who reportedly had to verify HiWi’s legitimacy for herself.  “While I was initially thrown off by the well-composed tropical theme and varied menu, HiWi’s customer service was truly unparalleled, and converted me into a firm believer,” Lung gushed.

“After ordering my food, I sat down and prepared for the worst: that they would call my order or bring me my food within ten minutes. As I closed my eyes and made my final prayers, I noticed that twenty minutes had elapsed and there were no signs of my order anywhere. Forty minutes in, and still nothing, but I was certainly not complaining. This was already the best customer service I had ever received in IV, HiWi having already gone ten whole minutes over Hana’s average thirty-minute wait. In fact, by the time I actually got my food, an entire hour had gone by.”

Lung added that she was worried she might have to get a life, but thanks to the minimum-wage passion of HiWi’s chefs, she knew this would not be the case. Her apron-donning waiter reportedly made sure to serve her order with the most distasteful of expressions on his face.

“Stories like Rachel’s are exactly why I started this restaurant,” HiWi manager Joseph told reporters with a cheeky smile in a later interview. “I graduated from UCSB a faithful customer at Hana myself, I always believed the people of IV deserved a little more,” he adds. According to sources, the man has long since overtaken his inspiration to create a profoundly improved dining experience.

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