There are a lot of things you can’t do when you want to bang the brains out of your hot USBC TA, and there are also a lot of things that your smoking hot TA can’t do or say to you. Things your TA can do with you include going to Blaze Pizza and making up silly names for you like “Roastmaster Stephen Hawking.” Things your TA cannot do include telling you that you look fat and bad and hairless, like an ugly sumo wrestler. Here are six more things that no one wants to hear their hot TA say.
6.) “Penises go in your pants, not on my desk”:
While many people have said this phrase in various circumstances, you’ll never hear this sentence from your very attractive TA, nor should you want to.
5.) “No one in this class is appealing to me in a sexual way”:
Again, this phrase is almost always echoing throughout the hallowed halls of UCSB from fellow classmates, but hope that you never have to hear it from the one teacher’s assistant you have who’s a hot cutie.
4.) “Even though some people respect Viggo Mortensen’s acting career, I never liked his films, and that includes The Lord of the Rings and Hidalgo”:
Okay it is one thing to not appreciate the man who portrayed Aragorn brilliantly in J.R.R. Tolkien’s incredible trilogy, but it is another thing altogether to blatantly ignore the story of a man crossing a desert on his beautiful brown racehorse, conquering the scorching savanna and his own fears to become the winner of an insane iron-horse competition and corral the affection of a beautiful yet incorrigible young English socialite.
3.) “I am not your TA, please stop calling me that”:
This is a classic bangable TA thing to say. It is usually followed up by questions like “Why would you think I’m your TA?” or “How did you get into this bank vault and why do you believe I am here to lecture you on cells?”
2.) “You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes”:
Despite being a pretty slick offer when coming from Laurence Fishburne, when it comes from a psychology grad student this once-in-a-simulation opportunity loses its luster. Your TA likely does not have the same frameless glasses as Mr. Laurence, which will really throw the whole vibe off. Also, the blue pill sounds a lot like roofies.
1.) “You failed”:
Yeah this is not okay for a hot TA to say. But you can say it all you want!
At UCSB a lot of people have hot TAs. Hot TAs are like private parts: I have one, you have one, we all have one. But even if you ask politely, it’s not cool to show pictures of them to your professors. So if you’re a TA reading this, you’ve been warned.