5 Tweaks to Famed UCSB Frat Parties That Would Make Them 100x Better

author-pic at UC Santa Barbara  

Fraternities throw a lot of themed parties, and they usually turn out pretty fun. However, it’s pretty universally agreed upon that they can be majorly improved just by tweaking the theme just a little. Countless times we’ve been at a frat party and overheard, you know what would make this party way better? Some snow. So… we’ve got you covered!

5.) SNuglobe:
Based off of the popular music festival SnowGlobe in Lake Tahoe, Snuglobe is SigNu’s spinoff is basically occasion for a mini-rave with a very creative name. What definitely would have been a better choice for them would have been to make it even more like the music festival. You really want to be authentic when you’re ripping something off, and we think it’d be much better if SNuglobe mimicked SnowGlobe’s list of Don’ts:

 

There. Much more fun, safe, and free of fucking hula hoops that are everywhere at frat parties nowadays. 

4.) Zetchella:
Yet another party themed based on a music festival, Zetchella would have been much more fun if it focused more on the real fun of Coachella. Everyone’s dream party would have portapotties, sweaty people with body odor having emotional mushroom trips, and the occasional wandering baby who is seemingly there alone. Also, they didn’t even play Coachella headliners, like Coldplay. People would much rather dance to “Clocks,” than any dance song ever written. The body hears the sound of “Clocks” and just can’t help itself, it’s science!

3.) SigNu Year:
A party that exists mainly so girls can dress up a little bit more than usual, SigNu Year is clearly based off of a holiday, but wouldn’t a more fun party be a President’s Day one? Think about how much guys would drool over girls in Abe Lincoln’s beard and suit, while girls drunkenly eye at all of the guys with George Washington teeth. Now the punny name potential goes down but… PreSignusdent’s Day has a pretty good ring to it.

2.) Candy Crush:
Sig Chi’s Candy Crush was a night of wild, colorful outfits when everyone dresses like their favorite food. However, this rule was hardly enforced, because if everyone dressed like their real favorite food, there would be people dressed as steak, or even pasta. Everyone would even seem more attractive if the world smelled like delicious food such as broccoli or hard-boiled eggs. It would help people get their shots down, too. We need to enforce the rules we make, people!

1.) Midnight Madness – ATO’s Blackout:
A theme based solely on what you wear, the Blackout party at the last Midnight Madness was alright, but it would have been that much better if everyone wore Chef Boyardee outfits to grind on each other all night. Not only does Chef Boyardee cover almost every inch of his body with clothing, but he also has wrinkles and a grey mustache. There’s no way that this outfit would look terrible on any human being. Plus, people could chase all of their shots with cold cans of ravioli! Now wouldn’t that be a night to remember.

Listen, frats, you throw a good party, but wouldn’t you want to make it better? You’re parties could use a little more pizazz… or pizza… people dressed like pizza. You know it, the public knows it, everyone knows it. Go out there and by some steak costumes and hard-boiled egg scented candles and throw an actual rager.