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6 UCLA Buildings Personified as the People Who Use Them Most

We all have our favorite building on campus. Some of us love the quietus of humanities, some feel most at home in the quiet anxiety of the MS labyrinth. Every building on campus has regulars, but what would the buildings look like if they personified their regulars?

6.) Public Affairs Building = the kid who Naruto-runs to class:

All about speed. This kid will knock over a baby on Bruin Walk, cut through entire tour groups, blow past the “Hey Mr. Boss Man Guy” to avoid getting flyered, all while his backpack is bouncing the whole time, clinking with every anime-inspired leap. He stops for two things: traffic lights and the door to his classroom.

5.) Wooden Center = the frat boy:

Wooden would be the semi-illiterate frat boy we’ve all met, the one who can barely spell “fraternity.” He reeks of B.O., and he thinks he’s awesome because people constantly hit him up. Just like Wooden, there’s nothing going on upstairs, and nobody that ever leaves him is ever quite satisfied, even when they give it their all.

4.) Royce Hall = the super hot poster-girl for the school:

Royce would the girl who dates Josh Rosen, or whoever the new quarterback is. She’s the blonde, super-thin, super-hot cheerleader who happens to get on every single official UCLA pamphlet, Instagram post, etc. If you’re friends with her, you’re the creme de la creme of UCLA social life, and you’ll be sent transnationally as the next poster child of UCLA’s Christmas gear.

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3.) BFit = the health nut:

Ever seen Parks and Rec? BFit would be like Chris Traeger. Endlessly positive, always fiending for the latest vitamins and minerals. BFit is the girl doing yoga outside your dorm at 5 a.m. who comes into the dining hall glowing, pristine. She’s the kind of girl who has “Live, Love, Laugh” on a poster in her dorm room and a whole shelf full of different teas.

2.) Kerckhoff = the English major obsessed with Edgar Allen Poe:

Kerckhoff would be the artsiest piece of hipster trash you’ve ever encountered. He uses “doth” in casual conversation and wears a scarf and coat through August. His black, thick-rimmed glasses are 100% fake, and whenever he has sex (by some miracle) he has to look at a poster of “The Raven” to finish.

1.) Powell = the Adderall-fueled manic depressive:

Powell is the kid who has a 4.0, a beautiful, loving family, a wonderful SO; the world at his fingertips. On the inside, though, he’s crumbling. This guy is an absolute mess, who can only keep up with his 18 extracurriculars due to his incredible drug habit. He’ll wake up in the morning, pop a couple anti-depressants, snort an Adderall, square his shoulders, and head on back to the library for some more studying — just not Powell though, because it’s gross.

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