USAC elections just wrapped up and we were all reminded how we hate basically everything about the political process here at UCLA. The political parties, the propaganda, the gang signs… at this point we’d rather just not vote. Here are things that we’d much, MUCH rather have done than take the time to be engaged citizens and vote in the USAC elections.
8.) Get Flyered to Death on Bruinwalk:
We think we can all agree that a slow, deliberate trek through Bruinwalk during a high concentration flyering time is much preferable than voting in the election. At least we don’t have to read the platforms of each candidate!!
7.) Not Check the Meme Page for the Rest of the Quarter:
This is straight up impossible. UCLA Memes for Sick AF Tweens is the only reason we haven’t dropped out of school already. But it certainly beats having to take time out of our dank memes agenda to vote.
6.) Fail All Midterms:
We can barely learn the information from class, so there’s no way we’re going to learn about the candidates. We’ll take an F on our midterms, please.
5.) Eat B Plate for Every Meal:
And forego our late night mozzarella stick cravings at De Neve? We guess it’s worth it if it means we don’t have to be knowledgeable about current events. (Sigh) Bring on the quinoa and kale.
4.) Go to Class:
You’re making us pick people’s names based on how good of a candidate they are? Forget it, we’d rather just head to class and pretend we’re paying attention.
3.) Answer the Questions of the “’Scuse me boss, can I ask you a question?” Guy:
We all get nervous when we see him. We all try to avoid him. In this case, guess we’ll just pick the lesser of two evils and answer this guy’s question.
2.) Buy Lonzo Ball’s New Shoes:
Those are about to cost us $500 so can you catch on yet that we really don’t want to vote in the USAC elections.
1.) Proclaim the Superiority of USC:
No. Nope. This is where we draw the line. Give me a computer so I can vote in this damn thing…
Like booze before noon? So do these guys…