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Adult Man Removed From Basketball Team By Daddy

A tall 19-year-old basketball-playing adult male, LiAngelo Ball, was removed from UCLA’s basketball team on Monday when his daddy, LaVar, stormed the team’s practice and pulled LiAngelo by the right ear out of Pauley Pavilion. 

“Ow, dad, that hurts!” screamed LiAngelo. “Dad, stop! What are you doing? I just want to play basketball with my friends!” 

LiAngelo, a self-proclaimed “big boy who is able to do things on my own, like steal shiny things from China” was reportedly unable to do anything to prevent his dad from making decisions for him on Tuesday.

“You will learn to show your father some respect!” LaVar reportedly said to LiAngelo outside Pauley Pavilion. “I brought you into this world, and with Donald Trump and Big Baller Brand as my witness, I can take you out of it!”

Before LiAngelo could give a rebuttal, LaVar allegedly gave his son three spankings: the first for “trying to make Big Baller Brand into Baby Boy Brand”; the second for “not being a good like your brothers”; and the third for “good measure.” 

Once LaVar and LiAngelo returned to their home in Chino Hills, LaVar reportedly told LiAngelo to “go to his room, and don’t come out until you think about how you’re going to get to the NBA without playing a full season in college. Oh, and by the way, no 2K for a week.” 

Before publication, LiAngelo was seen staring out his window, quietly sobbing, and “wishing I was never born.” 

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