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Angry Student Unfriends Anyone Who Posts About USAC Elections On Facebook

One of the key features of any USAC election is the flurry of Facebook posts either promoting a certain candidate or denouncing the rest. Most students see these and simply scroll past them, their day not any worse for it. For sophomore Walter Skye, however, enough was enough.

At the very beginning of this election cycle, Walter decided to unfriend anyone posting USAC-related content. “I don’t care about any of it,” Walter explained. “But every time I see one of those smiling faces below a wall of text, it grinds my gears. I don’t come to Facebook for politics, I come to see cute cat videos!”

Walter’s rage did not end there. “What I hate more than people endorsing themselves are people endorsing their friends. Why do you do it? Do you get paid to support them? The most that I would do for someone would be to swipe them in for boba when they inevitably lose the election. Does that make me a bad friend? I don’t think so.”

“I suffered in silence during my freshman year. Now that I’m older and wiser, I’m taking a stand. I’ve unfriended over fifteen people, and boy, are they gonna miss me! Where else will they get funny status updates about how my day is going?”

Some students have agreed with Walter’s one-strike-you’re-out approach.

“I hate those posts,” junior Hank Trudeau admitted. “The candidates all look so nice dressed up and smiling. Why can’t I take pictures that nice? Am I not good-looking enough? Do I have to run for USAC to get a decent profile picture?”

“I think Walter is a hero,” said Marie Nathaniel, a freshman. “He found something he disliked, and did something about it. More people should be like that. I mean, I personally wouldn’t do it. I just reached a thousand friends on Facebook! I can’t jeopardize that.”

Of course, other students were more wary of Walter’s actions.

“You can literally just scroll past posts you don’t like seeing,” argued Gus Miller, a senior. “If he can’t even handle that, how does this guy survive Bruinwalk?”

“Walter maybe isn’t the best role model,” sophomore Jesse Sun acknowledged. “He once yelled at our TA for finishing class two minutes later than usual. The kid has anger issues.”

With the elections now over, Walter has far less political posts to worry about. But, that has not stopped him from expanding his cause. “I need to start preparing for next year. I’m planning to report all the posts I see for being annoying and not interesting! That’ll show them.”

 

Like booze before noon? So do these guys…

 

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