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Hundreds Demonstrate Against UCLA’s Unsolicited Dick Pics Epidemic

Last Friday, hundreds of exasperated UCLA students congregated outside Royce Hall to call attention to an issue that has continued to jeopardize the sanity of students for years: unsolicited dick pics. Organized by the UCLA chapter of Students In Protest of Phallic Photos (SIPPP), the protest consisted of over 300 students with printed posters of the worst dick pics they ever received.

Championing the cause was SIPPP founder, Liza Estrogen. When asked what inspired her to take a stand, Estrogen immediately pulled up her Snapchat and opened her seven most recent messages—five of which were flaccid male genitalia.

“I ask a guy if he can send me his art history notes, and what does he respond with? A penis. I post a story of my salad? Penis. I explicitly ask for a dick pic? Boom, penis. I have streaks with 10 penises right now,” Estrogen said.

During the protest, Estrogen stated her intention to fight until legislation passes, banning unsolicited dick pics entirely. Featured speaker, Ellis Twatsinya, voiced her support, lifting a poster of a particularly gnarly eight-incher for the crowd to see.

“I’m scared for us,” Twatsinya said. “I fear my sister will get a dick pic instead of a ‘U up?’ text. I fear growing boys will end up illiterate because they will solely communicate with their dicks. I fear my daughter will get catfished by a micropenis. Our present and their future is at stake here.”

In addition to speeches by four victims, the protest also included a heart-warming performance by No Good Angles. Their hit single, “No One Wants To See That Shit,” tripled in downloads following the show.

“The outpouring of support from our fans has been epic,” said lead singer, Jeremy Angst. “We were like ‘no dick pics!’ and everyone was like ‘yeah!’” According to reports, their haunting voices chanting “cocks ain’t cute” were heard as far as Young Hall.

According to SIPPP’s social media accounts, last week’s protest is the first event of many aimed at raising awareness. Plans to curb unsolicited crotch shots are currently underway with a “Clean the Peen” rally and a “That Shit Is Getting Screenshotted” week.

 

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