Timeline of a B Plate Server’s Shift
We’ve all seen the poor B Plate servers, but what is it really like to be one?
5:00 p.m.: Alright, one more six-hour shift here and then I’m free until next Monday. Shit, it’s salmon and tri-tip day? It’s going to be packed here. You can do this, you can do this.
5:17 p.m.: It didn’t take long for us to run out of strawberries… or for someone to drop their bowl of strawberries on the floor and not pick them up. I’m just going to pretend like I don’t see that mess… oh shit, my manager is pointing at me to pick it up. Sure, Brian.
6:22 p.m.: Assigned to the salmon station, gotta be on my game tonight. I wonder if all the students know that this is imitation salmon?
6:49 p.m.: Only an hour more of serving and three of cleaning… I wonder if they’d care if I left right now. Eh. Guess I need the money.
7:10 p.m.: We’re all out of salmon and… dear God… the students are getting antsy. At least this is the part of the night when the post-gym cuties are at their peak. Working here sometimes has its perks.
7:12 p.m.: The frozen yogurt machine is broken, B Plate is descending into chaos, send help, SOS.
7:55 p.m.: Excuse me, can you fuck off so I can clean your table and can you never come back because you guys are all incompetent swines. Cool, thanks.
8:44 p.m.: Haha I wonder how long I can pretend to be taking a dump so I don’t have to clean.
8:59 p.m.: They’re still unaware that I’m taking a dump and am not working.
9:02 p.m.: Manager just came in and yelled “cut the rope!” at me. Why do I work here?
9:56 p.m.: This bitch Steven just attempted to claim seniority to not have to clean the bathrooms. Haha, no, go clean the stall I took a dump in.
10:34 p.m.: I’m probably the youngest person working here. I wonder if that guy over there could buy me alcohol. Will attempt to make him my friend.
10:48 p.m.: Friendship attempt unsuccessful. Man does not speak English.
11:01 p.m.: Freedom at last. This is why I only eat at Covel.
Like booze before noon? So do these guys…