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Family Thinks Son Is Texting New Girlfriend, Actually Just Constantly Checking MyUCLA For Grades

The Kim family was surprised this holiday break when they saw their son, Justin, constantly on his phone and computer, rampantly typing away, refreshing, and bouncing around the house looking for stronger WiFi.

“We were so happy that he’s finally come down off of that ‘school is the only part of my life’ ledge and had found someone so important to him,” said Judy Kim, Justin’s mom.

Justin was later seen emailing rather aggressively, asking his TA for the estimated release date of his grades. The curve on his bio final had been notoriously poor in the past, adding to his already nervous disposition. And, as he only has a 99.96, his concern was completely justified.

“It certainly came as a surprise to his father, this is the first time we’ve seen him talking with a girlfriend,  so we always assumed that Justin’s apple had fallen far from the family tree. Mr. Kim certainly knew how to show a girl a good time back in the day, if you know what I mean,” said Judy. “I couldn’t agree more,” Leonard Kim said with a smirk. “It reminds me of move-in week when Justin had to leave our lunch early to have a ‘private meeting with his TA.’”

The aspiring pre-med student got some respite from the chaos of waiting when he popped onto the “UCLA Memes for Sick AF Tweens” page and was shocked to see so many of his classmates had similar issues. “I was so happy to get a couple likes on my ‘pre-med starter pack’ collage,” said Justin regarding his participation on the page. “A couple girls from my bio class even commented! Maybe I’ll even get those pencils back that I loaned out on that Friday morning week one!”

“Yeah, Justin really surprised us this Christmas. Maybe my genes haven’t been completely blocked for future generations,” a visibly virile Mr. Kim commented.

At press time Justin could not be found for final comment because he was on the phone with the school registrar asking if he had been bumped off the waitlist into a spot for his winter chem class. He has, however, signed up for 5 fiat luxes to make up for the subsequent unit drop if he doesn’t get into the chem course.

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