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The 5 Most Underrated Bathrooms at UConn

Are you on the way to class right now? Do you have to pee and/or poop? If you answered yes to both questions, here is a comprehensive list of the most underrated bathrooms on campus to save you from pissing yourself walking to class in the rain, you silly freshman.

5.) On the 3rd floor in the Student Union:

The Student Union is sort of a “safe place” when it comes to restrooms and crispy chicken salads. It’s in the middle of campus and super easy to breeze through on your way to class for those quick but agonizing post-UC Bold shits. Did you know on the 3rd floor of the Student Union there’s a bathroom with a fricking bathtub in it? It is by far one of the most furnished and unique bathrooms on campus. Not only can you stop for a usually private pooping experience, but you can also stop for a quick bath bomb break (?) and a quirky Instagram pic of the giant shit you just took.

4.) The gender neutral bathrooms in NextGen:
This is the most indie, alternative bathroom on campus by far. If you’re an older Husky, you probably don’t even know what or where NextGen Hall is. It is the only building right now with gender-neutral bathrooms on every floor. All of the bathrooms have a toilet, a sink, and a shower – one that’s larger than most dorm showers. It also comes with a sick button you press to lock and unlock the door automatically, and a handle bar for handicapped Huskies. This bathroom has high traffic in NextGen and a soon-to-be hotspot for couples to get a lil’ shower action.

3.) Rec Center locker rooms:
Depending on your level of athleticism and interest in maintaining a 10/10 body as a Husky, you may never have seen these bathrooms, or never have thought to rent out lockers at the gym. The bathrooms at the Rec Center are especially unique due to the cute, uplifting messages above the lock on the stall doors (at least in the girl’s bathrooms). These say things like “you’re beautiful,” – just the motivation you need as you sit on the toilet pooping all of your problems away or pregaming for 20 minutes on the elliptical to work off those beer calories. You’re not like other girls.

2.) The tennis courts on the way back from C-Lot:
Did you apply for a parking permit way too late in the summer? Did you end up having to park your car in C-Lot even though you live literally on the opposite end of campus? Did you miss the bus at Busby? Okay, now you have to walk all the way to Garrigus, with your whole entire backpack and no headphones and now you really, really have to pee. There’s a quick fix to this predicament. As you nervously sweat and run home from C-Lot, make a quick stop at the tennis courts for a quick piss. This is especially easy if you’re a dude, but if you’re a girl, you’ve got valuable years of frat basement peeing experiences on hand. It’s super dark and spooky near the tennis courts at night, so you’ll be able to pull this off, so long as those clowns don’t come back.

1.) Behind the dumpster near Ted’s:
It’s a sort of don’t ask, don’t tell scenario so keep the peeing on the hush. (Yes we know publishing this is the opposite of that, smart guy.) 9/10 Husky students report having a satisfactory experience peeing here, and also 9/10 real Huskies and animals also report having a pleasurable peeing experience behind the dumpster near Ted’s. This is the perfect, most underrated spot to mark your territory after old Huskies was closed down and the bushes in between just ain’t the same.

If you gotta go, you gotta go, and Husky Pride implies following the rule of conduct of that of a dog and that means the campus is your bathroom Huskies. And so, freshmen, make this place your home by peeing wisely and freely.

Need something to do while dumpin’ out? Listen to our podcast!

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