7 Things You Won’t Miss About UConn Over Break

author-pic at University of Connecticut  

While you’re sitting at home listening to your family lecture you on “what it means to be an alcoholic” and that you’re “destined to be homeless after graduation” you’ll start to really miss Storrs and maybe even Susan. Well, there’s a reason why we drown ourselves in shitty rum and Natty Ice every weekend, and it’s because the school week sucks. Keep a few of these things that you just sort of generally have to put up with at UConn that you won’t miss at home.

7.) That Stupid Triangle of Sleep vs Social vs Grades:
We all know that dumb triangle diagram of sleep, social life, and good grade where you can only pick two. That triangle can fuck off. We’re trying our best to do all three and some other categories in between, like lay in bed and blankly stare at episodes The Office until they all sort of just run together. At least over break we can do all the things we normally do without having 2 essays and 3 exams to worry about.

6.) The Line at Dunkin:
Holy shit is the line at Dunkin out of control, especially during finals. Sure we could make coffee at home but that takes work and most of the energy you had was expended in convincing yourself to get out of bed… which happened to be that you’d get yourself Dunkin. It’s a vicious cycle. 

5.) Living in Squalor:
Well maybe your home isn’t as functional as it could be but at least you don’t have RAs and you probably have a fridge with actual food in it. Those of you living in dorms know the struggle of having to wear flip flops in the shower and what it’s like to pick mystery hairs off of them later. And those living in off campus “houses” known that they quickly turn into more of a trap dungeon than an actual home. 

4.) The Slight Shame of Being at Huskies Every Weekday:
Big breaks in school are the best of both worlds: tons of free time with literally zero responsibility. If finals don’t murder your soul, then you’ll finally be able to go out and get drunk whenever you want without the guilt of skipping class 4 days in a row. Sure the bars at home suck and your parents might say things like “we don’t even know who you are anymore,” but it’s chill. 

3.) The Fairfield Way Ice Tunnel:
Those new lights up on the trees are a nice distraction from wanting to drop out after getting double teamed by an exam and a blast to the face by freezing cold winds. As your tears freeze to your face before you call your parents and explain why you’re leaving you’ll see the lights as a sign of hope. But once you get back and the holidays are over, all hope is dead.     

2.) UConn & Storrs Parking Trolls:
We get that they’re just doing their job but… come on. Some of us are putting ourselves in debt for the rest of our lives to come to this place, and the least the university could do is not give out a $90 ticket while someone is simply parked at a friend’s dorm for 10 min to pick up some weed for that post-final celebratory bowl. Only in Storrs do you have two agencies (city and university) thirsty for parking violation blood. 

1.) UConn-Secure:
Your parents may frown upon your apparent addiction to being on the internet reading stupid things like this, but at least you can rest assured you’ll have most of the Wifi magic-science-waves to yourself. That, and that your parents probably aren’t monitoring your, ahem, “downloading habits.” Unless you accidentally chromecast it to the family TV! Whoops! 

While you’re home be sure to rep UConn gear not as a symbol of school pride but as a sign that you have been through some shit and lived to talk about it. If you see a fellow husky just nod in mutual appreciation for being alive and when a relative sees something UConn and asks “how was your semester” and you think of these 6 things just simply reply “it happened.”