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All Four Fans of UConn Women’s Basketball Thrilled About 90 Game Win Streak


STORRS: Top-ranked UConn defeated No. 20 South Florida yesterday, tying their own NCAA record of 90th consecutive wins. UConn Women’s Basketball has become synonymous victory, which is music to the ears for all four UConn Women’s Basketball fans.

“Good Golly! What a time!” said 90 year old UConn Alum Ethel Denby, hunched over her walker. “I have never seen a group of girls work so well together, and I would know! I remember Susan B. Anthony help win the women’s right to vote.”

The excitement from the game and this historic moment in College Women’s Basketball history could be heard from one block away from the stadium.

“I saw the stadium lights on, I didn’t know if it was a UConn women’s basketball game, or if there was just one guy who was sweeping the floor… sometimes it’s hard to tell,” said Chad Daniels, a junior at the University of Connecticut. “I usually only watch the games when I’m super drunk at Ted’s, and at that point I can barely tell if I’m watching basketball or if it’s another rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond.”

Although the UConn Women’s Basketball team has been incredibly dominant over the past decade, some fans have had serious doubt if their team could pull off this win and continue their streak.

“I knew that our huskies were fighters, but I’ve seen a lot of things in my day. The Model T, Charles Lindbergh make the first solo nonstop transatlantic flight and William McKinley’s assassination,”said Herbert Phelps 1922 UConn Alum.  “Some things just don’t end up the way that you think that they are going to.”

“I’m not complaining about just having a few older women at our games,” said Geno Auriemma, UConn Women’s coach for the last thirty two years. “But sometimes I wonder if this is all just a futile exercise. What’a we gotta do, win 1,0000 games for fans to care? Off the men’s team – literally murder the men’s team? My girls would wipe the floor with the men’s team then soak it up with Kevin’s lil’ girly mustache. I had a mustache like that when I was born. On my dick,” Geno added before sitting back and kissing all 11 rings on his fingers. “Eh fuck it, I make $2 mil a year, come or don’t.”

UConn looks to break their record next Tuesday in Dallas when they play Southern Methodist University, the game is scheduled for 3 p.m. and will be broadcast on ESPN 3.

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