Storrs, CT: While the Spring Concert was held over six months ago, one student is insistent on waiting in Gampel for the eventual appearance of Lil Uzi Vert. Mr. Vert was scheduled to perform at the venue along with artist Amine, until he apparently fell asleep or didn’t feel like going or whatever. The UConn community left in an uproar, all except one determined boy.
Ajeet Sandhu, a UConn junior has been standing in the rows of Gampel day after day, under the impression that Mr. Vert will be “right back.”
“He said he was going to get a pack of cigarettes and he’d be back for the concert,” Mr. Sandhu said in a statement to us, still clutching a water bottle full of Tito’s and Mountain Dew he planned to share with his bois. “He’ll be here, he said he would.”
Sandhu was more excited than anyone to see the concert with his favorite rockstar. He had pregamed an hour beforehand in his dorm, and arrived early in order to get the perfect spot. While The Black Sheep didn’t have the heart to break it to him that he wouldn’t be back, many others have tried and failed.
“My mom warned me that Lil Uzi was a deadbeat and that he didn’t love us, but she’s just jealous about all the cool stuff we’re gonna do when he finally gets here.”
During the recent renovation to Gampel, construction workers were forced to jackhammer around him and the table he had set up complete with romantic candles and a now-cold supper. At this point, the candles have melted down to nothing, and the food covered in mold and maggots. Sandhu has become somewhat of a centerpiece for Gampel, and it seems like things are going to stay that way until he gets to hear “XO Tour Life” live for the first time. “You guys are gonna regret not waiting,” he said in a recent interview. “He said when he gets here, we’ll be able to finally have that catch he’s been promising me for all these years.”
Despite the appearance of Lil Yachty at the fall concert last week, Sandhu has yet to leave his post, as there is only room for one Lil’ in his heart.
What’s worse, Sandhu had slaved over Elmer’s glue sticks and a pair of zig zag scissors to make an adorable memory book with pictures of him and Mr. Vert hanging out together. Being that he has never even been in the same room as Mr. Vert, he had to photoshop the photos to look as if that weren’t the case.
It seems that Sandhu has decided that he will drop out of school to pursue a life of disappointment that he has “gotten used to” from lackluster double-Christmas he spends at his divorced parents respective homes.
“That’s what’s so great about him. When he keeps not coming, it makes it even better when he finally gets here.”
We reached out for comment from Mr. Vert, and we will be recieving a comment from him “Right after he gets back from the store.” It’s cool. He just had to go buy some milk.
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