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6 Things The Class Of 2021 Will Never Understand About UConn

Ah, freshman year in Storrs… the sweaty parties, the lack of experience, the high school innocence that will soon be lost. Anyone who isn’t a freshman would give their left leg to be a wide-eyed and blissfully ignorant high school graduate first stepping into Storrs, a heart full of hope and a head full of unrealistic expectations. While the class of 2021 may have the upper hand when it comes to happiness and childlike wonder, what the rest of us tired and beaten Huskies have on them is experience. Here are a few things that the kiddies of the UConn class of 2021 will live their lives knowing nothing about.

6.) Red Line:
Poor Red Line. We didn’t know how much we valued your shotty schedule until we weren’t able to hop on from Towers and land in mythology class at Austin in less than 5 minutes. Freshmen coming from this direction will now have to take Blue or Orange line, which takes much longer. Sad, but ignorance is bliss, so don’t feel too bad for them.

5.) Old Ted’s Classic:
Who’s to say what the impact of a whole generation of Huskies not having the freshmen pilgrimage that is passing out in the bushes between old Huskies and Ted’s will be, but we’re worried it is going to be bad. These wee little freshmen will never understand the Ted’s experience pre-revamp. Back when it was a sweaty dungeon of sticky floors and dancefloor fingerbangs… well it’s still kind of that but classed up a bit. More lighting, fancier seats, and a direct line to the bar sans the jail window — these kids have it easy. 

4.) Panda Express:
These poor poor souls will never understand the luxury of ignoring meal plan points and spending real people money on fried rice and teriyaki chicken. Nothing felt better than burning double money on Panda Express while the dining halls served equally-shitty orange chicken. Pure luxury.

3.) The Co-Op:
Now that the “bookstore” is owned by corporate Barnes and Noble, calling it the co-op will just leave freshmen dazed and confused. We encourage you to say it to them anyway so that they think they’re missing out on something. However, it’s arguable that the convenient Starbucks located right in the door makes up for it.

2.) Spring Weekend:
Sure there’s like three generations of Huskies at UConn who never experienced the glory days of Spring Weekend, but we think it’s worth bringing up over and over again. Listen, Spring Weekend used to be a fucking shitshow, and now it’s basically a grade school carnival but with somehow-less sex. RIP Spring Weekend of yesteryear, we won’t let your memory die.

1.) Good concerts:
In the good ole days we brought only the best performers to UConn, the likes of J.Cole and Schoolboy Q graced Gampel. In 2016 we had Fetty Wap which was a poor excuse for good music, and last year we had Lil’ Uzi who didn’t show up. Let’s just say things are not looking up for spring concerts.

Sure, it seems great to be a freshman – but they’ll never know the things that you know! Sometimes it’s better to be older and wiser. Also, let’s be honest, do  you really think you have that kind of stamina anymore?

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