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How to Pass Your Finals with Nickel Happening Every Night

While Huskies has blessed us the past few weeks with Double Nickels, they plan to make Wednesday through Sunday almost impossible to pass any exams by throwing Nickel after Nickel every night. Since we at TBS are for the people, here’s a guide to passing your finals while also making Nickel a top priority, as it should be.

Psych:
Anyone who tells you that you can’t multitask when one of those tasks is drinking, is a miserable human and a damn liar. With all of the advancements our technology has to offer, to not take advantage of it would be a damn shame. Thankfully we have the Quizlet app to use for flashcards, so you don’t walk into the bar and accidentally hand the bouncer a list of Freud’s psychosexual stages instead of your ID.

Anatomy:
What’s a better way to learn about the human body than to explore it for yourself? Buy the Nickeler of your preference a few drinks, feel your way around their body and you’re a shoe-in for an A… if you wake up the next morning.

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Econ/Math:
While four drinks for a dollar is more of a treat than we deserve, sometimes it’s hard to balance this when everyone in the squad wants to hit Nickel. It’s especially hard if y’all are not at an even multiple of four. And that’s when you need to put those calculating talents to use. No one wants to willingly pay a dollar for anything less than four cups so use those math skills you were supposed to be learning all semester to figure out how to make sure everyone gets an equal amount of drinks and also pays equally. Truly no easy feat once you’re 5 rounds in.

Communications:
Hahahaha! Y’all study for finals?

Engineering:
Examine how the structure of Huskies supports the weight of so many Nickel goers and their debauchery while building on that buzz. You probably still won’t pass cause your major is hard af, but none of that matters when you’re drunk.

Just don’t:
While passing would probably give your ailing GPA the help it needs, not passing a final doesn’t always mean completely failing your class. Unless you were that idiot that thought they were too good to do all the extra credit. But hey, failing isn’t the worst. If you’re a junior or below, you have the summer to retake the class or a following semester. If you’re a senior and need these credits to graduate, it’s still a win because it means at least one more semester of not having to face the real world.

Finals week is right around the corner and we’re on a mission to end the year with a double bang. Achieve a 4.0 and stay lit, regardless of what classes you have to study for. May the luck of our 2014 basketball teams with all of you this finals week.

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