The semester is just about over, but there is something that needs to be brought into the light before we all head back to our dreaded hometowns and see all the people we hoped to never see again: If you ‘ve ever wandered into Laurel Hall on a weeknight, whether for a class or just to hog an entire classroom to yourself, you’ve probably seen groups of people “dancing” for some sort of club they’re in.
This needs to fucking STOP.
And no, I’m not making fun of your club. Doesn’t really matter what club it is because I honestly don’t care. The point is that there are two theatres, Union ballrooms, a rec center, an armory, an arts building, and a perfectly good construction site where you can move your exquisite choreography.
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It would be way different if these dancing groups were kick-ass. But to be honest, it’s pretty sub-par. Call me a critic, but it doesn’t take a hearing aid to eavesdrop on one of the group members saying, “This barely looks like dancing, and there’s no passion. It looks like you are all just flailing your arms around.” That actually happened, by the way.
And what’s with the soundtracks they use that are one third dialogue, one third Kygo, and one third Carly Rae Jepsen? “Stole the Show” is the song of a generation, and you’re all disrespecting it. After hearing this mashup over six times in a single hour, one would think you could have your moves down by now!
Laurel Hall is ruined, honestly. At least improve your dancing, we beg you. Going on a bathroom trip to see a hype dougie circle is a lot more comforting than seeing six asymmetrical rows of performers dance offbeat. Some of us have classwork to tend to and can’t spare an hour of our time watching you throw your limbs around in random directions.
Again, there’s nothing wrong with these groups existing. It’s great. Dance is good. Doing things that make you feel good is good. But like, maybe, I don’t know, don’t rehearse in an ACADEMIC BUILDING. Finals are here and it’s time to be sad and tired and lay in darkness, not dance. No dancing. When Kanye becomes (UConn’s) president in 2024, you bet your ass the reign of the awkwardly-assembled arm flailers is OVER.
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