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Children’s Shitty Redesigns of UConn Basketball Jerseys: Reviewed

Last week we noticed UConn has been wearing the same basketball jerseys for the last 4 years (don’t fact check us on this, nerds), and decided it was time to come up with something fresh. Since people our age are the worst and people older than us voted for Trump, we thought it best to officially start focusing on the ~kids~ and let them design what UConn Men’s Basketball jerseys should look like. Sports are dying, so we want to keep the youth engaged, right? Well, here’s what happened. If you want to vote on them or something, feel free to tweet obscenities at @BlackSheep_UConn, he really gets off on that sort of thing. 

 

The Dawgs: 

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This is a valiant attempt at a jersey design, but ultimately falls short. While we like the sleek and simple design, we can’t help but think the artist asked “What’s a husky,” learned “it’s a dog” then tried to draw a dog. The triangle is a fun insert, does it stand for UConn’s triangle of success that we just made up? Either way it feels powerful and we like it.

She seems to have simple jersey structure knowledge, too, unlike what’s to follow. So, B+.

 

UConn Susan Poop: uconn4

While the front design is truly terrifying to UConn students, we can’t help but think this would only confuse the other teams. Design wise we understand the Pokémon-esque font is something the kids are into, but we can’t get behind all players having “Poop” written on the back of their jerseys. That being said, Speaking of numbers, using Kevin Ollie’s mustache for the digits was a good choice.

Still, due to do some design flaws, we can’t see the university/Nike getting behind this design. C- 

 

Emily <3:

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Well well well, looks like someone got a little carried away in thinking she’s god’s fucking gift to second grade art class. Thanks Emily, for wasting everyone’s time. Is that a rendition of whatever would come out of E.T.’s birthing cavity after it fucked a husky? Stick to forcing your shitty art onto your mom, Emily, UConn basketball doesn’t have time for this. D-

 

The Cheater:

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Ok, why did we even run this fucking contest if no one was going to take it seriously? Obviously this kid got on his mom’s laptop and googled “uconn basketball jersey” for one second before searching “hot boobs.” Then he didn’t even bother to submit this design or take off Okafor’s name from these 2003 jerseys, and instead just laid it on top of the template we sent them. God dammit, kids are the worst. F+

 

The JTT:

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We get the “UConn Huskies” running down the center of the jersey, not bad, design wise, if you had planned how much space you had beforehand, you idiot. Plus, is that Papyrus font? God. God dammit, that is a shitty font. Now let’s move to the back, where for some reason bb boi Jonathan Taylor Thomas is lustfully staring at whoever will stare back. Why is this here? Why would a kid these days still love JTT, who is now and probably a pedofile? Plus 69 as the number? Is that going to be for all jerseys? Or did you just phone this in like you will everything in your life, you future fuck-up. Do us a favor and when you’re out for school, head over to the intersection of Eat Shit Ave and Go Fuck Yourself Blvd and walk into traffic. F

So our experiment didn’t go as planned. We guess the jerseys our bball teams wear now are pretty dope, so why fix what’s not broken? And better yet, fuck kids. We’re doomed. 

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