All your notions of the flawless girls who only go number one when they excuse themselves to “powder their nose” are false. Chances are we aren’t taking 10 minutes in the bathroom because we want to check our make-up, we are taking a fucking dump and everyone is going to have to accept that. However, we understand that some of our fellow lady huskies are a little shy when it comes to number two, so The Black Sheep is here to help for when pooping within the safety of your dorm/apartment is not an option.
Northwest Dining Hall Handicap Bathroom:
Ok, this one’s for girls that have swipes to get themselves in the dining hall, (and if you don’t have swipes for the d-hall you can always get in just by asking to use the bathroom). There’s a section of seating near the Grab ‘n Go that is usually closed, but sometimes they leave that huge stupid gate a crack open, and when they do, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CRACK. You can sneak right on in and use the single stall bathroom in that little room; it’s completely private and no one will suspect a thing. You know you’re going to have to drop a deuce after you scarf down your third fried plantain or those nasty little shriveled fish things they like to call “shrimp.”
Handicap Bathroom on First Floor of Gentry:
If any of you girls have ever had a class in Gentry, then you probably know about the handicap bathroom on the first floor. Pretty much any handicap bathroom is fair game for pooping, but this one is particularly enjoyable because it has an elevated toilet seat and nice paper towel dispenser. The vibes are great and who doesn’t love to take a poopie with good vibes? There’s usually never anyone using this bathroom, and when you’re done pooping you can go about your day with no one knowing you just dropped a deuce approximately the size and color of the Jonathan the Husky statue.
Wilbur Cross First Floor Bathroom:
Ok, say you’re in a really bad pickle. Your poop is brewed and ready to go but you’re in Wilbur Cross with no sight of a restroom anywhere. Never fear ladies, The Black Sheep knows of a great women’s room nestled in a quiet corner of the first floor. THIS BATHROOM IS A GOLDMINE. First of all, when you walk in the first thing you see is a floor to ceiling mirror. Who doesn’t love checking themselves out before you take a quick dump? Also, all girls love a bathroom with flowers, and this bathroom is crawling with them. You feel so fancy when you walk in; it’s like the women’s bathroom from The Office. Girls, this is the place to go if you ever want to take a dump while also feeling like royalty.
Third Floor Union Bathroom near Community Outreach:
The Union is the heart of UConn. It’s in the middle of campus and has everything you could ever need, including a great bathroom to dump in! This wonderful powder room is up on the third floor located far away from the hustle and bustle of UConn students rushing through the union to satisfy their Panda Express craving. It’s a trek, but totally worth it — this bathroom is especially unique because it has a huge bathtub in the middle of the fucking floor. Now, you may be asking us, why would I ever need a bathtub in a public bathroom? Well, The Black Sheep prefers that you don’t ask questions (except here).
The Subway Next To Sam’s:
Ladies, this might be the single most important thing you ever learn at UConn: how to poop while at the bar. Since pooping in a bar bathroom that took 10 minutes of waiting in line to get into is an impossibility, taking the 2 minute walk from the bar to Subway is one of the most strategic moves a girl can make. It may not be the nicest toilet in the world, but it won’t matter because it’s private, you’re drunk, and by making this move you won’t be the talk of the night for being “that girl who pooped at Nickel.”
Susan Herbst’s Lawn:
This is pretty much self-explanatory. A little out of the way but total high risk, high reward pooping — and bragging rights for years to come.
There’s nothing like taking a peaceful poopie in the comfort of your own home. But sometimes holding it is just not an option, and for some reason girls are uncomfortable with pooping in front of each other. Until we can become more unified with our pooping, following this guide will help you be able to do your business secretly; The Black Sheep highly recommends these spots for all your pooply duties. Good luck girls and happy pooping!