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A Timeline of NextGen Move-In: Bright Eyed Freshmen vs. Unfortunate Upperclassmen

Welcome back to Bumblefuck Connecticut, Huskies! Now as the seasoned dawgs know, housing is no joke. Your humble abode can be a big tell about you. Freshmen basically have zero say in their housing, so it’s all luck, learning communities and some dandy computers. But for everyone else, the work (or lack of, usually) put in during the year is the deciding factor, because credits. So let’s all hate the freshman moving into NextGen and say a silent prayer for all of the sophomores/juniors banished to North (shudder) and recap how move-in would go for a party in both situations.

10 a.m.
Freshmen: Wide eyed and excited for college, NextGen is just gonna reinforce the idea that college is all rainbows and happiness (bye). Walking into that hotel-looking lobby and being surrounded by central AC will do that to you. Soak in it as long as you can.

Upperclassmen: No feeling, except getting turned away from Nickel, is as horrifying as pulling into North campus and realizing that you live in the armpit of UConn. What with a single light dimmer than your phone screen, a box as a closet and connecting showers (gag), there is no happiness here.

10:05 a.m.
Freshmen: YAY check-in, meeting the roommate, husky-haulers, blah blah blah. Everything is still looking pretty good.

Upperclassmen: Imagine a rollercoaster that’s all downhill? You have a front row seat on that shit.

10:10 a.m.
Freshmen: Open up that door and walk into the nicest dorms on campus, you lucky, inconsiderate asshole.

Upperclassmen: How underwhelming to walk into a shoebox with an Easy-Bake oven light bulb and a coffin as a closet. Sad, so so sad.

12 p.m.
Freshmen: Unloading all that junk that you’re never gonna use was probably the hardest part of move-in but it’s smooth sailing from here. With the abundance of space (as shown on the virtual tour), you’ll never run out of room to put everything, and your newly built room is probably cool and not stuffy and wonderful.

Upperclassmen: Congrats, you’ve barely managed to survive move-in without an elevator. If moving in at the same time as your roommate, you probably gave up trying to organize anything because there’s barely enough room for two people in there, let alone two people plus their families. It’s a miracle that you’ve managed to fit anything in that room.

12:30 p.m.
Freshmen: Time to scrub off all that sweat from move in and what better than those beautiful new bathrooms? Probably nicer than your bathroom at home, congrats.

Upperclassmen: SHOWER. IN. THE. STALL. FARTHEST. AWAY. FROM. THE. DRAIN. Always remember that. If someone’s in there, wait until they’re done. Waiting is better than getting someone else’s dirty shower water.

1:00 p.m.
Freshmen: Grab your roommate and your shiny ID and head over to Putnam dhall. Newly built, just like your dorm, it will probably astound you. But surprise, you’ll meet your first college disappointment, when you see that even two floors worth of food will offer nothing necessarily delicious. But hey, at least you get fresh smoothies!

Upperclassmen: Oh, North dining hall. So under-appreciated due to its high-school-cafeteria vibezzzz, but probably the best this campus has to offer. A specialty bar every night, the basics for when you’re not feeling anything else. Only one thing could make this better and that is real hamburgers. Walk down a few stairs and you have full access to Northwest dining hall. Found the one perk to living in North, congrats!

Eventually the freshman wonder will wear off, as well as the upperclassmen’s disappointment with North (or maybe not, who knows!). At the end of the day, most days will be spent on campus and if you’re trying to pass everything, nights will be spent in the lib or in study rooms. Pray that you can get your credits right or that your roommate isn’t a total loser so you don’t ever end up in North again. Moral of the story? Don’t fuck up or you’ll be living in the closest thing to a jail cell U of Conn has to offer.

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