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5 People You Don’t Want to See Together on UConn Snap Maps at 3 a.m.

Snapchat is a modern millennial marvel, ushering in a new era of getting assaulted by dick picks and making your face look like a dog’s. But Huskies, it comes at cost. Sure, it’s fun to watch your roommate’s avatar slowly walk-of-shame itself back from Garrigus to your dorm on a Friday morning, or creep on your own bad decisions through location-specific stories at Pub 32. But what happens when Snap Maps gets a little too real? Here are 5 people you don’t want to see on Snap Maps.

5.) Your trashy former hookup and your roommate at your dorm:

You know that one hookup that you’re reminded of everytime you look at, say, a festering wound? Maybe your experience had a couple too many bodily fluids mixed in, or was facilitated by beer goggles so cloudy (thanks, Ted’s) that you could’ve qualified for a seeing-eye dog. Either way, you have to dodge that person more than the Ebola, Zika, and Swine Flu crises mixed into one. Catch them with your roommate back at your shitty East Dorm, and know that once again your inner circle has been penetrated. If they’re back at your dorm room, get ready to be reminded of your depraved mistakes until the end of the semester, especially if your roommate catches feelings.

4.) Your class friends and your club friends in Husky Village:

WHAT?! This is an outrage. Everyone knows friend groups aren’t supposed to meet each other. They definitely aren’t supposed to get along. If you catch all two of your friends small talking into the wee hours of the morning without you, you better shut that shit down. The party isn’t supposed to start until you walk in, and if you’re stumbling back from Homer Babbidge while they’re living it up at the frats, you’ve booked a one-way ticket to having only the cows as friends. YOU are the glue of this friendship, and if they’re trying to commandeer this boat, you’ll end up going down with it.

3.) Jonathan the Mascot and Sam the Minuteman at Mirror Lake:

UConn and UMass have a historical rivalry that dates back to the 1800s. If you catch our beloved mascot canoodling with the enemy, the times really are a-changin’. Face it, you can’t even get a man to halfheartedly buy you a Union mac n’ cheese, let alone sneak you out for a romantic rendez-vous at our local tepid pond. When even a dog costume has more game than you, it might be time for you to take your own trip down to the lake for some “facedown swimming.”

2.) Charles and Augustus Storrs at Depot Campus:

It’s a well known fact that Depot Campus is UConn’s personal version of The Exorcist. While many a student has bravely walked through those those musty, asbestos-filled halls in an attempt to spot some ghosts, actually catching some are a bit more unsettling. Seeing our founding fathers living it up in that freaky, creeky asylum would strike fear into the heart of any Husky. Bonus points if it’s actually at three a.m., just sixty minutes away from the witching hours.

1.) Your Bus Driver and the Parking Services Guy, right behind you:

If you think an actual ghost sighting would be frightening, imaging catching two real demons inches away from you, serial-killer style. You know these guys are out to get you, it’s just a matter of when they execute their plot. Catch them together, and you know they’re bonding over their abilities to make you late and poor. Just don’t whisper “Parking Services” into a mirror three times, or else they might escape into this world and wreak havoc on your life for years to come.

Snap Maps can be a great way to see all of your friends hang out without you or watch your ex move on a little quicker than you’d like. Just remember, what happens at 3 a.m. stays at 3 a.m. (until everyone watches your story, of course).

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