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All the Very Useful Life Skills You Learn as a UConn Theatre Major

Going to college can be tough, especially when you decide to put down the Burnett’s and take up arms in Babbidge to prove to your parents that parading them into crippling debt was worth it. This is doubly facts for those of us that have chosen to take up an especially difficult major like Chemistry, Engineering, or Theatre Studies. These majors are prime examples of brutal educational paths that will leave you pulling out your hair and wishing for a swift end, specifically and especially when it comes to Theatre Studies. Often considered the most treacherous and unforgiving UConn major, it’s no wonder the study of the arts is also the most useful. Here are a few hard life lessons you’ll only learn from getting a theatre degree here at UConn. 

5.) How to snag a job a Starbucks/Bookworms/Up & Atom:
Right when you’re thrown into this major, you are put to the test with grueling assignments that include applying to UC cafes, and etiquette for how to make it known you are an aspiring playwright as said barista. And they said theatre majors are going to be broke after college, not with the ability to tell unwitting strangers about their screenplay they won’t! 

4.) How to cry on command:
This is by far the most helpful technique acquired while studying. As a theatre major, you’re going to be in a lot of situations that require hard work and diligence, and crying whenever faced with conflict is the best way to avoid any of that. You want the job in the next Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark musical? Cry to the top. You wanna keep your Starbucks job you got fired from because you kept talking about your scripts? Stardom is a only a sob away and one full yeet off the top of Homer B if all else fails.

3.) A truly intellectual and deep love of Shakespeare, the immortal bard:
If you disagree, you clearly don’t read enough Billy Shakes. That’s what scholars call him, because they’re so tight with him. You know those useless Shakespeare seminar posters around campus you ignore? They’re graphically designed, planned, and posted by a under-the-radar theatre savant. Theatre majors dream about Macbeth and all of the metaphors in it. They are smart. Theatre majors are very, very smart cookies. Billy Shakes!

2.)  How to sing in public regardless of where you are:
Ever been at a funeral and frustrated that you don’t have the balls to belt out the entirety of the High School Musical soundtrack? Theatre majors don’t have that problem, they can sing anywhere. They will sing anywhere. Literally. All the fucking time. Catch them at every open mic night at the Benton or more likely, drunkenly belting out karaoke at Ted’s.

1.) Ability to give a bomb ass drunk pep talk:
No major is more terrified for their future than theatre, so naturally they’re Olympic level players when it comes to consoling crying college students because of a poor combination of booze and parents that said that they could do whatever they wanted, as long as they’re happy. If ever you are in a state of anguish and uncertainty, call a theatre major, and they’ll wax poetic about the one time they went to NYC for an audition and almost got a call back. By the end, you’ll be happy you chose Comm, after all.

Truthfully, these five skills are all you need in order to make it big in life. Time to show the world what you’ve got. And by world, we mean the Starbucks latte you’re singing show tunes to.

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