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5 Battle-Tested Tactics for Sneaking Booze into the Spring Concert

The spring is finally here (at least for the time being), and that means that the spring concert is right around the corner. While Khalid and Lil Yachty set up their suite in the UMass hotel, students of all sizes are jumping with glee in excitement. However, many things can go wrong once the concert rolls around. These mostly stems from alcohol, and not being able to drink enough of the sweet, sweet elixir. Here’s how to avoid that. Yay!

5.) Sneak in with Lil Yachty’s entourage:
It’s pretty well known that Lil Yachty doesn’t drink. He says he’s never even had a sip of alcohol. That’s all well and good, but why do you think he doesn’t drink? Because of his entourage. Those folks party so much that Yachty always has to DD for them after his concerts. While he’s performing, these cats are raging. Just hop in with them, we’re sure you won’t stick out at all.

4.) Use a decoy friend:
The Mullins Center has an extensive set up to snuff out any alcohol. Metal detectors, pat downs, the whole 9 yards. Well, a decoy friend will take all the pressure off of you. Give him a backpack with a 30 rack peaking out, throw some beers in his back pockets, make him a bulge that can only be attributed to several water bottles full of Rubinoff being forced down his pants. While security’s in awe of the balls on this guy (lol), slide right through with your own cohol.

3.) Sleep there…. right now. Like, actually this instant:
Seriously run there right now. Our friend’s TA told his sister’s boss that they don’t check the people staying there if they go now. You have to hurry, though! Mullins Center isn’t the ideal sleeping quarters and you may miss some classes, but it’s so worth it. You may even make some other fiendish friends like yourself. Like rats and mice. We’re talking about vermin, folks. Don’t forget the alcohol, too. That’s the reason why you’re doing this.

2.) Get a job at the Mullins Center:
Yet another time-sensitive idea, but this one is a little safe. Just apply, interview, and get your uniform all in a matter of 2 days. Juggle that with your normal responsibilities and you should be all set! When the time comes, throw a fit and hop into the mosh pit. There’s no way they have a security for the security on the night of the concert, right? If they do get that job instead.

1.) Try your luck with taping it to your body:
I mean, what else were you gonna do? Worst case, you just dump it out and go in. That, or jail. Hmm. Good luck!

With these tips, alcohol will be the least of your concerns. Use them wisely, we cannot have 300 decoys running amuck with the security team. That’s just a bad look.

 

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