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UMass’ Haigis Mall Set to Open First Store in December

After countless years of simply being a bus stop, UMass’ own Haigis Mall will finally live up to its name. The construction crew’s around Isenberg will finish the moat soon, and will then turn their attention to building a Forever 21 just in time for Christmas.

Investors believe this could be the start of a very profitable venture for the Mall. Over the next week, Forever 21 managers will be manually spraying an exorbitant amount of their pungent perfume around campus to build hype for the store’s opening.

For those worried about the Haigis Mall bus stop, PVTA administrator Mary L. MacInnes assured there would be no noticeable changes: “I know that building a giant mall seems like it would take away from the bus stop’s luster, but I guarantee our loving customers will feel no effect from the mall. While it may be difficult at first to wait for the bus, with bootleg sunglass kiosks and sketchy iPhone case dealers roaming around, it will all end up being better for PVTA and anyone who rides our lovely busses.”

Not everyone is as excited about the mall as MacInnes is, however. A group of Hampshire Mall truthers have been picketing the area chanting things like, “Not my mall” and, “I’m with Hampshire.” They have been here for weeks and are clearly unhappy with the decision to erect a new mall so close to their beloved Hampshire Mall.

General manager of the Hampshire Mall, Lynn Gray, attacked Haigis Mall in her speech to inspire the picketers saying, “They only have one store; we are the premier shopping destination in all of the county. It’ll take Haigis years to match our selection! We have laser tag!”

No one can doubt Gray brings up some good points, but it is hard to deny the Haigis Malls potential. If Forever 21 becomes as profitable as some of the ‘experts’ at Isenberg predict, several stores could follow suit. It is on a desirable plot of land and will always have a band of lively bus goers as potential customers. 

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