Isenberg Students Remain in Punta Cana to Teach Business to Locals

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While most of their peers returned to UMass Amherst after living it up in the crystal-clear waters of Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, a number of Isenberg students voluntarily stayed behind to teach business practices to the less fortunate locals.

Casey Johnson, a senior accounting student, and his friends were sipping on pina coladas with mini-umbrellas when they realized the servers didn’t have the luxury of spending thousands of dollars to get hammered on the beach. After coming to this conclusion, following years of leading privileged American college student lives, the group decided it was time to take action.

“My friends and I were walking through some of the slums outside of the resort last week. Obviously, we weren’t supposed to do that, but we were looking for some weed,” explained Johnson. “ When we got back and ordered a few drinks at the poolside bar, we had a heated debate about the business techniques these people employ. All the people on the side of the road were trying to trade us for stuff. They weren’t even using real money.”

After their third tequila sunrise each, Johnson and his friends decided that this absence of modern business in the tropical paradise could go on no longer. They swore to teach the people of the Dominican Republic the American way to do things. The friends recruited more students willing to join their cause and got straight to work on making the Dominican Republic great, for the first time.

Arianna Fernandez, a shopkeeper whose family has traded trinkets, necklaces, and other homemade goods for many years, claimed that the students have begun to interfere with life on the island.

“They’re really very annoying, actually. One of them came into my shop to tell me I had to start paying excise tax to get the economy rolling. Whatever that means,” said Fernandez. “Then, the same boy started going off about how Hampshire Dining’s food is so much healthier and better than the food we have in the Dominican. How can you claim to be a martyr for the people and do nothing but complain and uproot our businesses?”

When asked how he and his roughly 150 fellow business specialists plan to remain in the Dominican after their parents stop footing the bill, Johnson indicated that the money would be coming from the locals.

“We’re providing a service and expect to be compensated accordingly. Giving up the gorgeous views of Campus Pond and geese for sunsets and palm trees won’t be easy. That’s why 10% of every dollar earned will go directly to fund our support group,” said Johnson.

Let us hope that these great leaders give UMass business students a good name for years to come.

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