UMass SGA Predicts Record Breaking Voter Turnout This Year

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Recent polls conducted by the UMass SGA indicate that upwards of fifteen students may cast votes this semester in elections for Student Senate and other positions. This turnout would shatter all the current records.

“We’re pretty excited to see this uptick,” said Harris McLaughlin, who manages social media for SGA. “We’ve been trying really hard to get students engaged with their student government.”

Still, though, there is a lot of work to be done.

“SGA? Is that like molly?” asked Ryan Nolan, a sophomore living in Patterson, after taking a massive grav bong rip. “I think there’s a kid in my hall who sells that stuff.”

Voter engagement has been an issue in the past for SGA, especially as complications with Eduroam interfered heavily with election protocol last year.

“You already know we rigged that shit,” said Wajid Choudry, director of UMass IT User Services. “Eduroam works fine, we just didn’t like the opposition party candidates. You want democracy, take your ass to Hampshire College. We run this joint.”

As tens of students prepare to cast ballots next semester, SGA is working hard to retain engagement. Recently, some members of the Senate have proposed that students receive monetary compensation for taking time out of their days to fill out the online voting form.

“We have the resources to literally buy votes from students,” said one senator, who requested anonymity on the grounds that they are already suspected of numerous counts of voter fraud in past elections. “If we spent our catering budget on securing votes for incumbents, we could all keep our seats, no problem,” they added.

In the meantime, SGA members will continue to spread awareness of their existence.

“I don’t think students understand how important SGA really is,” said Sarah Irving, a senator from Central. “Like, we have an annual Winter Ball, and I’m pretty sure we bought a shitload of new chairs one year,” she said.

Campaign posters have been put up all over campus and the atmosphere surrounding the election across the whole of UMass is unlike any year before. People have never been more excited to be a part of student government and the predictions for voter turnout really exemplify this excitement. Join your classmates and get involved!

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