We’re baaaack and better than ever! What better way to celebrate returning from Thanksgiving break than by talking about exams that UNCC students would definitely ace without the stress, sweat, and blood of the next coming weeks?! We know that some of you are hard-working Engineering insomniacs, but for those gen eds and lib arts courses you always hated, this list is for you, courtesy of The Black Sheep:
4.) Harry Potter Lit 2010:
Don’t some colleges have this course? Sure. But who can deny that UNCC students would much rather spend time with their childhood friends Harry, Mountain Dew Code Red, and “Let’s Get It Started” by the Black-Eyed Peas? Heck, our own Charlotte Quidditch team will most likely throw a registration party for this course. Damn Potterheads….
Tucked away in some far corner of the Atkins Library with some old, marijuana-scented blankets around your smelly bod reading tattered library copies of the classics, since you forgot your deluxe, super rare, hardcover editions at home (“I memorized them, Mom”), you’ll remember how it feels to get your soul stolen by a Dementor or have your face beaten in by a Bludger. And if all else fails, you can always watch the movies….
3.) Extraterrestrials in World History 1032:
So remember when UFO’s were spotted over UNCC in 2011? No? Well here’s your chance to relive our brief 15 minutes of fame. We can only guess who would teach this course. Forget about the Brooks Brothers suit-wearing dictator. Enter a short-sleeved, short-sighted, skinny paranoid yelling about the Illuminati, Area 51 and “green-blooded hobgoblins (Norm?!).” He’ll show you pictures of the Charlotte UFO sightings and attempt to prove that they weren’t photoshopped.
Rest assured that the haters were, um, “excused” from his lectures. So what’s on the exam? Prompt: find the etched UFO in these historical artifacts. Don’t worry, if you can’t find one, circle a random pixel and justify your logic in a paragraph. Trust us, you’ll pass.
2.) UNCC YouTube 1001:
Just YouTube without the glamour and celebrities. You won’t even know who your professor is; you’ll wake up early morning with a new assignment in your UNCC inbox. Class is online, so you’ll only know who registered by eavesdropping on loud students in the Union. One week, it’s watching corny UNCC ads made by our prestigious Communication department, the next it’s binge-analyzing Karen A. Popp’s paid speech at the Student Union.
Just when you’ll start wondering how this course is relevant to anything whatsoever, you’ll exam will come in: visit the UNCC YouTube channel and write a short essay on how it can get more subscribers. Your first thought: We have a YouTube channel?!
1.) North Carolina Sex Ed 1609:
Of course we would squeeze this in this list. Heck, you probably knew it was coming (hold your applause). Let’s be honest, a great majority of the people taking this class already know all the goodies of human anatomy from experience. Discount the computer nerds trying to get laid, and everyone, from our Alpha Delta Pi, $100 makeup-wearing sorority sis to our next pretentious class president (bye, Fahn!), has seen it all.
So when the exam is passed around, a cutaway of (genderless?) Norm, with arrows pointing to various appendages, rest assured that everyone will ace it; those handsome, brown, miner eyes will force you to focus. See, it won’t be hard.
Although we wish that these classes were offered at UNCC, the sad truth remains: we’ll have to study for the depressing, 3000-level courses with the promise of a shiny diploma in the end. Regardless of your major, The Black Sheep, with its wit and wisdom, is here to ease your transition from immature college student to alcoholic office worker. Stay classy, friends, and good luck studying!
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