When you first stepped foot on UNCC’s terracotta, those pesky tour guides and ad men managed to drill some Niner pride in you. Like the cigarette smoke you inhale every day to fuck your lungs, that college spirit is going to take a long while to heal. From overpriced hoodies and oversized foam fingers, you bought-out the bookstore. You’re practically addicted. Well, instead of helping you treat your zeal, The Black Sheep is here to tell you how to spread some of that Niner pride while you’re on vacation this spring break. From Paris to Myrtle Beach, here’s how you let everyone know you go to a commuter campus:
5.) Give them the ~Finger Axe~:
When you see that stained “49er Pride” shirt in St. Petersburg (Florida or Russia), make sure to wave that pretentious finger axe that the geniuses behind Chancellor Dubois’s reassuring e-mails came up with. If you’re frat brothers, make sure to yell “Dude, sa!” to effectively pop some Communist eardrums. Don’t be amazed if strangers offer you some vodka. Niner Axe for you, a sign of endless drinking for others.
4.) Pack T-shirts from freshman year:
Speaking of 49er Pride, the Niner gear you dumped your direct deposits on can be used on vacation. Our favorite shirt is “I Bleed Green” especially if you’re visiting the deep south. Alabamians will think that you’re part of Irish Lives Matter; O’Reilly will host a special segment dedicated to your hate group. Up North, we’re sure you can get early access to some St. Patrick’s Day discounts. Shamrock Shakes and booze are equally good in our view.
3.) Get basic with car decals:
If you’re taking a road trip, don’t forget to splatter those free stickers you’ve accumulated during promotional events, club meetings, summits, career fairs, and giveaways on your car. If you’re travelling with parents, make sure to tell everyone she’s your UNCC mom. Stick it to the South Carolinians with a green NC decal with “home” scribbled in the middle with a “middle school girl” font. Make sure to clarify that the hand outstretched behind the “49er” symbol is, in fact, holding an axe, not a sickle. Your grandma deserves to know she didn’t raise a socialist.
2.) Tramp stamp of Norm:
When you were little, remember how you begged your mom for a quarter to paste a generic dragon tattoo on your arm (all the rage in ’04!)? Well, now you can upgrade your life and slap a smiling Norm on your cheeks. What better way to tell passersby on the beach what university you’re from by telling them you’re “Property of UNC Charlotte?”
1.) Scream the school song into the void:
There’s no getting around to it. You’re getting blackout drunk over break. Before you wake up to the scents of foreign vomit in your cup, there’ll be a twilight zone in the night when, while drunk, you’ll still be clinging on to a form of consciousness. When you swallow your 12th shot to the cheers of women around you, here’ll be the time to shine. Burping away the alcohol fumes, you’ll muster up the air to start bloating, “Hail, Charlotte 49ers, proud as we can be….” Trust us. You’re getting laid.
Do you even Niner, bro?! As spring break arrives, it’s time to spread some Niner love across the world. North, South, West, or East, Charlotte’s public relations team needs you to promote our college. After all, what would your life be without knowing there’s a community of people you belong to? After forgetting your relatives, Charlotte’s the only family you have left. Regardless of where you’ll go, stay safe. And in case you run out of Niner gear, you can always have some of The Black Sheep’s.
WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.